This appears to be the worst thing that could happen but he needed to get him alone. In a place where no one else could control the outcome but him. To silence out the noise and remove the distractions. We spend a lot of time trying to do God’s work through trying to make things happen. When we do we create a catastrophe of a mess. Stepping into someone else karma will hurt everyone that played a role in the protection of the individual. Because when god is purposeful there is nothing no human can do to change the outcome.
The is so much power in the creation of life between a man and a woman. That their spiritual paths will always affect each other even when they are apart. Our choices will forever affect the life of our seed.
Unfortunately life doesn’t get easier
In fact, life challenges will increase
People don’t just stop mistreating you
Or relationship issues cease
Some loved ones may remain stunted within their growth
As much as you love them…the way to show them is to let them go
Bills will be there
Destruction of the government
Loved ones will pass away
Hurt people will continue to hurt people
And as much as you want to save the world
You think of it in a collective or as a whole
Instead change the world through you
I realized I will never find peace from external factors.
The human experience is all about differing levels of consciousness
The world around you may crumble and fall
You have to find your peace within
Darkness always comes along with the night
In knowing this you can find peace that the sun comes in the morning.
This was written as a result of realizing I wanted something more with someone who was no where near ready for a commitment! This was the second time in the past two years a man has pretty much told me that a relationship was not what they wanted, and months later that’s what they pursued. I was home to them, a place to heal for them to start all over again. As a healer, I have to be mindful of where I exert my energy and if it is being reciprocated or appreciated. I have to be home to myself. It hurt my heart to hear he gave her everything I asked him for. When things did not go accordingly he came back to me, and I opened my door to console his heart only for him to leave again. Leaving me feeling rejected.
Instead of texting you I figured I would write.
My words written hold more value than sharing them with you while your on another page
We spend so much time searching for the one
Someone just like us… but where is the fun.
How can you evolve connecting with someone just like you?
She is what you want…and I am what you need.
As I give you me…you give me experiences. I value the lessons in learning to love one as is.
I know nothing last forever but I wished you would’ve choose to stay longer. Every time I see you I’m reconnecting with what could’ve been. The times spent together become a faint memory of the past when I want to be your present. They say love is a game and I refuse to play. I just wished you were as woke to your needs, as opposed to your environment and those around you.
I have learned a lot this year but I have realized I need to continue blogging as this was the platform that created my memoir London’s Prints. I am back WordPress community. Happy New Years Eve!
I always wonder if my relationship with my father as a little girl was more than just the weekend…would my expectations of men be greater than them just showing up? Not leaving me on the stoop waiting for them to play their part. On the weekends they would give me their somewhat attention as a sense of obligation or duty. During the week, the absence left me to question our relationship. My normalization of the trauma from my childhood experiences has tremendously affected my dating life. Leaving me to question those who are consistent, willing to step up to the plate providing the very things I need, and deserve. We as women will find every excuse to deny ourselves true unconditional love. When things go smoothly, no stress, and consistency but argue with a man mirroring to us his unwillingness to accept the love we desire to give. Our frustration with him is a mirror to our feelings of unworthiness and our willingness to be available to who is unavailable to us. One day a man will pick you up from the stoop you sat waiting on all week. Wipe the tears from your eyes and show up not just physically but also emotionally. There will be no confusion as to his intentions, just remember to not be available when the weekend comes.
How selfish of me to give you only water, but limit you to the darkness confined within my home. Your beauty was for my entertainment and my eyes only. You blossomed and wilted right before my eyes as I denied you your natural state. In light you may have blossomed a little longer. Nothing truly lasts forever. This isn’t just about flowers, are you being denied light and nourishment from your relationship?
It’s official London’s Prints is now available on Amazon for purchase! Link to purchase has been provided below.
So much time has passed since my last blog and I have not posted anything in a long while. With all of the craziness going on, my son starting first grade, work, and writing, I have been missing in action. I just wanted to check in with you all and share some exciting news. London’s Prints has been published and will be available on Amazon very soon for purchase. I am so excited about this project and it has been a long time coming. I had no idea how I was going to pull this off but I did. I also have an upcoming book release event in Chicopee, Mass. I figured I would go back to the place I was raised to celebrate with friends and family. I want to share my gratitude for the WordPress family as this platform allows a space for unique creativity to be shared with the world. I had no clue what I was dong about a year ago starting a blog. To all the writers, you are just as unique as your fingerprints. Writing is a form of expression that allows us to leave our marks on this world. True success lies within your own goals being accomplished. Your inspirational words, story, and your insight may just bring light to another person’s life. That is worth more than anything. Embrace your individuality, be vulnerable, and continue to pour out your soul whether pen to paper, or a keyboard. Thank you for your support!
I have attached a link to the book release event, and my Kick starter page to make this event possible.
Yesterday during my cardio session at the gym, I finally understood the purpose behind the saying “resting bitch face” from an outsider’s standpoint. I don’t watch television often, but the 2018 championships gained my attention during the 400 meter race. I used to run a little track back in the day, but with most sports and my lack of interest I was never fully committed. Watching these women run like their life depended on it just gave me life. It was inspirational and motivating as each one really gave it their all. I never really understood sports and fitness, but it is deeper than the wins and losses. The commitment to become the best requires a desire that most people prefer just being the spectators. The 400 meter women’s race, was a race field with women of color. It was a beautiful thing to see. As the women began to line up and prepare for the race, the cameraman, and sports commentator zoomed in on each individual participant. They became the star of the moment as the commentator described their age, and history in racing. Each woman uniquely waved or smiled for the camera, as the excitement and energy roared through the stands.
There was one particular introduction that stood out to me. Shakima Wimbley out of all the racers that day, did not have a smile on her face when it came to her one on one with the camera. Her “resting bitch face” game was strong. I even said she didn’t look excited to be there and was taken back at her response to the camera. The “resting bitch face” did not last, as she joyously came across the finish line, she had nothing but smiles for days. I’m sure many women have come across as non-approachable, in fact I was told this very often. I am often told I have a strong personality, and that not many people can deal with that. Why is it that a “resting bitch face” symbolizes some internal anger instead of drive and focus? After observing Wimbley’s appearance, the “resting bitch face” is a woman who is not about playing games. Those that are intimidated by her stern outward appearance are either not ready or fear her unfiltered truths. Wimbley’s “resting bitch face” was one of focus, and determination. She refused to be distracted by what was going on outside of her. She personally had a goal to accomplish that day, and her mind was set on winning. She wasn’t angry or least excited to be there in that very moment. Her focus was somewhere else, and it wasn’t for the cameraman or even the world watching, she was focused on the win.
I was always told that I make it hard for men to approach me because of my strong demeanor, and independent ways. I now see that having that focus allows you to weed out the bullshit. Men that are intimidated by approaching a woman in her “resting bitch face” are afraid she can see past the presentation and truly see his reality. The “resting bitch face” is not permanent and is breakable by genuine encounters and accomplishing the previous focus. It is a self-determined facial stance that blocks out anything other than what you deserve. There is a smile right beneath that “resting bitch face” waiting to happen. She is not angry, she is focused, and unless you are contributing to her drive, I suggest you just leave her alone. The “resting bitch face” is a bullshit repellant, don’t fear her for her physical appearance, fear her for she gives everything her all.
I no longer fear death, as I have died spiritually three times in this lifetime. The loss of my first child, my divorce, and the loss of self. You may ask what is spiritual death? I have defined it as a pain that permeates the soul. An unconscious commitment to reside within the very space that the pain was inflicted. In scary movies they call it “souls with unfinished business”. It is a space where you feel defeated, without solutions or guidance, and the emotions spiral downward increasing you susceptibility to severe depression. Your perspective on life has been tainted, as if you’re wearing permanent glasses filled with darkness. I used to enjoy listening to oncoming trains, as I always wondered where they were headed. Every time I hear the sound of the train coming, I feel the family grieving for the life of a young woman who recently took her life by jumping in front of an oncoming train. Both locally and within the entertainment industry, physical suicides have been committed recently. Lavish lifestyles, international businesses, stardom and fame, could not illuminate their internal darkness. The fact that their loved ones around them had no clue to the spiritual warfare they lead, concerns me. How is it that within our society positivity is praised to the point many pretend for validation. How our quotes, and post, are confirmations of our wellbeing. What happened to the true check ins? The phone call, or show up at your home. Not the how are you physically but how are you spiritually? In a world full of people but yet still feel so alone. Afraid to share your storm, or your pain, with concerns that you will be judged. When others place you on a pedestal of success, it can be hard to admit that you are not as put together as you may seem. Maybe they did scream for help in ways others depending on them could not hear. The physical aspect of death is a transition that affects the loved ones more than it affects the person transitioning. Hopefully it brings awareness to the importance of listening. They may not have uttered a word of their pain, but they may have expressed it within their behaviors. I just wished that someone would have been there to whisper in your ear to tell you it will be okay. Even if that person had to be yourself. There is no greater gift than life, as it took me to experience deaths both physically and spiritually to understand this. Those who choose to take their life physically, spiritually died before.
My condolences to the families who may have lost a family member to suicide. The best gift you can give them…live your life abundantly.