Men In Black


I haven’t seen this movie in a while but was always intrigued by the magical pen that erased memories. The best way to describe my experience when I left the hospital and months in the grieving process was this “magical memory eraser” pen. Losing a child is a touchy subject one that makes people question their faith. Loss of a loved one never is easy but the situations leading up to it and how it occurs makes one begin to question life and its purpose. How we lose someone can really prolong the healing process in my personal belief. Elisabeth Kubler Ross created the five stages of grieving to identify the emotional rollercoaster your on through the process. Denial, Anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are all things we may experience with any form of loss (not just in the physical). Oh by the way, they don’t always happen in this particular order either. For me anger became my best friend along with negativity, hence the reason I eliminate myself from relationships. I felt misunderstood and no one knew what to say…so they said nothing. Men in black became a reality and the “magical memory eraser” effected everyone around me. No one remembered just a few months ago that I was Nine months pregnant waddling around excited to meet my little one. Everyone failed to mention that my pregnancy existed. I was avoided like the plague and my relationship took on another set of bricks. No one spoke of the elephant in the room, and allowed me to live in my anger space. I though getting married could save me, I thought he could save me, and I thought my friends could save me. My son’s death was the icing on the cake as I had lost my dear grandmother exactly a year prior to Lung Cancer.  I knew death very well, but any physician or healthcare worker will tell you, you will never get used to it. Like every birth story death has its unique approach. The closer the relationship you had with the individual, the more you evaluate your life and its purpose. Nothing matters when birth or death occurs. Only the matter at hand. I craved for someone to come out of the magical pens trance and just acknowledge my pain. I wanted to feel connected with the rest of the world but my innocence of society had been broken. While everyone lives like they have an eternal life and defined themselves by career, material things, and relationship statuses…I knew and know now that all these things meant nothing. One day a co-worker of mine came to me and said “you are the strongest woman, I know and I’m hurt this happened to you”. I cried like a baby. I know that at this point no one can save you, you have to put in the work yourself. Only if everyone knew that the simplest sign of affection and a hug could move that person to the next process of healing. The day of the funeral is not the only day to send your condolences, check in six months or a year from the date. The absence or loss of things can create an overpowering appreciation. You learn not to take things for granted. Be kind to people because you never know their story, because trust me they all have one. I feel as though I have experienced a sense of awakening through this traumatic experience. So while everyone was affected by the “magical memory eraser”, I remained cool like Will Smith with my black shades on learning to face the demons head on. Open your eyes and heart to the positive and negatives in life. Death and life are the collateral beauty. We as humans focus more on what we don’t have rather than what we do. Your loved one can never be replaced but just think of the many gifts they have left you.


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