It is interesting to me how the life I had in mind was not exactly the life that God had intended for me. I remember reading a quote about how the road that we try to avoid actually is the road that helps to determine who you are in the end. I attended a sermon at a local church a few weeks after London had passed away for the Christmas sermon. As usual we tried just about everything including Bingo, to keep ourselves busy. The sermon was based on the original Christmas story. I have not been to church in a while but I knew it was something that we needed. One thing I’ve noticed after losing a child was that my confidence was at an all-time low. I will admit I was never really an over-confident woman. I felt as though while in public places people could read my deep dark secret. People would look at me and say” oh, she is the one who lost her baby.” That day I made sure I got dressed to make myself feel better to bring my self-esteem up a notch. I have had plenty of those days where I did not want to run in to someone I knew in my sweatpants .But imagine how it feels to run into someone when that person knew that you were pregnant and you have nothing to show for it. The local church that we went to was packed as usual and we were running a little late. I always hated showing up late because it seemed as if all eyes were on your every move. My husband hated the fact that if you are late to the church you have to attend the service downstairs in which it’s a much smaller room and the service is viewed on the TV screen. He of course would have rather attended another church… As we were headed for the door disappointed that we wouldn’t be able to find a seat the sister of a close friend who is also the main singer at the church was amazed to see us. I know she knew of our situation and wanted us to be a part of the church that day. She was so adamant about us staying for service that she made us our own row by adding chairs to a back pew. I truly admire her efforts for trying to get us to hear the word that day. Especially after giving the ushers a dirty look as if to say you better not say nothing to me. We were eventually moved by one of the older Ushers because we kept getting in the way. That day we were placed in the front. The closest we had ever been. My husband had always felt some type way about this church saying you need to be VIP to get in, so I guess that day we had our passes. The pastor went on to talk about the birth of Jesus and how Mary and Joseph weren’t actually in the best situation. They were refused places to stay or even for a room to give birth. A lot of people were against them. Joseph was not even the father and to top it off Jesus was born in the most unsanitary places … a manger. What the pastor was trying to point out was that if Mary had known the type of circumstances she would have been in she would have never signed up for it. Little did she know the gift that she was given was going to be worth all the trials and tribulations. If I would have known, I would have never signed up for this. Neither would the other women whom have suffered the loss of a child. Even though I knew it in my heart the worst thing at that time to say to me was “Everything happens for a reason.” It is beyond true that “Everything does happen for a reason”. This is why I am open to share my story!