Chilling with H.I.M. while listening to H.E.R. off my Spotify “chill” playlist. The moments replay on repeat in my mind. I went from having “Hope @ a Rum Bar” to having H.I.M. physically in front of me. Eric Bellinger’s lyrics I have been playing over and over again has become my reality.
I know you’ve been through some things, so have I baby, yeah So don’t let your past reflect you ‘Cause the bond we’ve got’s from heaven Baby, don’t block your blessings with me, yeah ‘Cause when I kiss your lips I can feel all the heartache and the pain in your soul So I cope with the fact that you keep holding back Girl, I won’t give up until I teach you how to love If I gotta hold you ’til the end I wanna make all the wrongs right and change in your life I can open your mind if you let me Teach you how to love, tell me if you with it Teach you how to love, I’m down, babe, I’m committed Teach you how to love, yeah, anything you need baby, I’ll provide Teach you how to love, I can change your life if you let me, yeah
Even though Cuffing season is almost over, a new season in my life is beginning. There are four seasons technically and I have become acclimated to them all. This one is different and one I have never experienced. Every aspect of this song he represents. Men in my life including my father have never showed up for me. Not this time! He traveled miles for me even with his busy schedule. He proved me wrong. I almost gave up on black men as a black woman. He always reminds me that even if things don’t work between us, at least he gave me hope for black love. His love for black women and constant reference to them as Queens, completely erases the portrait of black women the men of my past have painted. His full lips speak intelligently and bring life into parts of my soul that I thought were missing, He is a man of purpose and knows where he is going. One I wouldn’t be afraid to let lead my family. His alpha male persona diminishes with the sensitivity of his touch. I wasn’t born with this fear, the fear of letting go. The pain of my past still affects my present, as I came a long way from where I used to be. I’m afraid of taking this leap only to realize you won’t be there to catch me. The distance allows us to keep the focus. Focus on our own dreams and goals and to allow things to flow. I’m so not used to taking things slow, but what I’m used to obviously didn’t work for me. The reminders from H.I.M. to begin with a clean slate, and an open heart. To acknowledge that you are worthy of the love and affection that comes from H.I.M. Its actually the first time that I don’t fear losing out on someone. I detach from the expectations that I usually would have and accept things as they come. I embrace the time spent, because with H.I.M. I am at peace. The old me resurfaces every now and then and gets in my head, but then I remind myself of what I asked God for. God always comes through and as his child, I am more than deserving. If nothing comes of this, the experience was a reminder of His. Image. for Me. #H.I.M.