Why are we so backwards when it comes to setting expectations? Why do we wait until we are completely submerged in a relationship to set our “deal breakers” or “No”. It is okay to tell someone that you have particular needs and wants. If it is something they are not used to providing and would like to compromise than great! If not, you are to put your big girl panties on and make a decision. We all know from the beginning things that may be a personal “no go” for you when it comes to a spouse. Trust me you don’t have to settle for what someone is offering. The fact that they are unable to provide certain things you require does not make them a bad person. They are just not for you! It’s okay to tell someone you’re dating what you need as an individual. For me personally I need someone that is attentive and a good communicator. These are just a few of the qualities that I require but they mean a lot to me. At my age now, I am not afraid of losing a relationship because of something I need. In this case ladies, it is okay to be selfish. Setting the expectations from the beginning will allow room for you both to grow keeping in mind each others boundaries and expectations of the relationship. Don’t get me wrong we change throughout the years and so doesn’t our wants and needs. One example that comes to mind is conflict between a couple over having children. I swear for a while I was so against having another child, especially after my pregnancy and birth experiences. I am fearful, but also very cautious of selecting my child’s father. If I was to meet a man who was amazing in so many ways but wanted a football team, I know this is something I do not want. Now if I went on with the relationship and avoided this expectation from my spouse, eventually this may create conflict within the relationship. You cannot change someone’s mind about what they want and need out of life and a relationship. Discuss your goals, dreams, and aspirations to see if you are both on the same path. I had to learn the hard way. I set my expectations when the “wrongdoings” occurred and never left. I kept dealing with the deal breakers only to lead to heart-break and he lost all respect. Setting expectations is not just for your partner, it is an act of self-love. You are setting the standards of how you want to be loved, and sharing what is important to you. If they love you or want to be in your life your expectations will be important to them. Keep your expectations realistic but don’t settle.