Mirror

In every experience in life, we have to pay attention to the lesson it is teaching us.  Our job is to decide on whether we are the teacher or the student. The true issue with today’s society is that people forget it is our duty to teach or share experiences. It is a service. My recent experience made me acknowledge the test God required for me to fulfill. Lets just say I’m sure he is extremely proud in the way I handled it. I wanted to write a letter to my younger self as a way to kick off my writing a few months ago. Of course my procrastination took over and it has yet to have been completed. Instead, this weekend she was physically mirrored to me through my ex husband’s girlfriend. So, If you follow my blog, you are aware of how I felt about the term “sorry”. I thought this was the experience that I needed to complete my healing and shed from the pain. This was the beginning of the process and every baby step that I took after that led to where I am today. I never pray for pain or hurt to anyone and never considered myself to have an enemy. Even though my ex husband had put me through so much pain, I never wanted to see him in pain or to suffer. We tend to think things or act out in ager when we are hurt and fail to realize that our behavior is creating the blueprint for our own Karma. Hurt people, Hurt people. This is a fact. When you are on another level of understanding you realize the temporary fixes such as retaliating are not worth your peace. I knew from the day I spoke with her at the YMCA, I spoke to her soul. I am a firm believer in peering into people’s eyes as they are the gateway to the soul. Her behavior and mannerisms said otherwise but her eyes showed me she was trapped. It didn’t register to her that I once was her. The only difference was I was in this internal jail for 10 years. She was torn because she wanted me to believe that he “changed” for her. That something was special about her, and the flimsy foundation they built the relationship off was withstanding the storms. His and her pride could not let me see the reality. So with this blog, I can share a piece of mine. At one point, I believed he might have changed for the girl in the mirror and questioned myself as a whole. What was it about her that made him choose her. I played it very well for months maintaining my emotions. Faking it until I finally made it. I rebuilt myself and came to the understanding that my value was not determined by him not picking me. As women we want to be chosen, but realize upon being chosen, he wasn’t what we expected. The girl in the mirror has a lot of similarities and her insecurities were highlighted because of how she got him. I was the other women before. I believed that he was different with me, the only thing different is he didn’t choose me. This weekend let me know I dodged a bullet. Never believe that what a man does to another woman, he wont do to you. If the man you are with is talking down on a woman especially if she once meant something to him, one day he will do the same to you. The girl in the mirror felt a sense of pride watching the man she wanted to pick her, disgrace and disrespect the woman he married. The funny thing is both girls want to be loved. We have dreams of having a family and being successful while settling for the picture he painted. We both loved a man who is incapable of giving himself emotionally because of his fear. I really dislike the meme that says a man will change for the right woman. I completely disagree and any real woman would not want him to do so. Any permanent change requires self reflection, self discovery, and self love. When a man loves himself, he is able to love you. Changing for someone else is temporary, I tried it and it does not stick. This weekend God placed me in the fire to watch Karma unfold. After almost two years of rebuilding, healing, and creating a stronger relationship with God…he knew I was ready. I alarmed him and her with my sense of compassion, and empathy. I was not there to judge them or to say I told you so. I was there to comfort and guide the two very people that prayed for my downfall. The two very people that were entertained and enthused by my pain. I was resurrected! My purpose in life is to support and guide women through my own experiences. The women that played a part in my divorce mirrored who I was years ago. So the moral of the story is before you go and pass judgement take a look at the bigger picture. Hurt people, hurt people and it is not your job to react, be strong in who you are and remain yourself. It hurts to do the right thing. When pain is caused, it is human nature to react. I realized that what I had in store for those who had crossed me is no match to what karma they have built for themselves. The girl in the mirror may not realize it, but she saved me.

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