Interview

The beginning of a relationship and getting to know someone is like an Interview process. If your like me, it can be very daunting trying to find a potential partner suitable for me and my son. Especially today in this social media ran society. When you meet someone they are showing you the best version of themselves. The goal is to impress you and to win you over through highlighting  all of their good qualities. The dating process allows you to spend some intimate time with the candidate to learn more about them. Previously, I would not ask much and let things flow into the full-blown relationship. Only to realize at this point the person and I do not have the same values or similar interest. So since my divorce, I have made a point to inquire about the individuals desires, goals and expectations from the beginning. When I dated at a younger age, I was fearful to ask certain questions because I was worried he would leave or suddenly become uninterested (those damn abandonment issues). Now at almost thirty-two I am confident in weaning off those who are not making a positive contribution to my life. I have a few strikes against me when it comes to this dating world. 1) I AM A BLACK WOMAN (dark skin at that) 2) I am a single parent 3) I suffer from the independent mindset because I did and do everything myself. 4) I own my own home and remain career driven. To anyone else these would seem like positive contributions to any relationship. Most men see it as intimidating, or maybe they are boys. I have come a long way to be where I am in my personal and professional life. I require the same things that I give to myself and within a relationship. Consistency is key! Take notes ladies when it comes to the dating process. Making sure that his actions match up alongside his words. Everyone has a different interpretation of  “Love”. Find out what “Love” means to him. What was his childhood like, as this plays a huge part in how he views relationships. Now I see why employers require a 90 day probationary period for positions. To monitor the new employees integrity and consistency within their new title. You do well during the interview (the initial date) but once you get chosen your commitment to the position begins to slack off.  Communication is imperative! Keep the communication open about your likes and dislikes and set boundaries and stick to them. Then you have the candidates that know they are on a TEMP assignment, because they never had long-term intentions with you but they reap the benefits of the permanent position. This is not okay! We are confusing good sex with love and not getting to know the person. We as women love to talk, but take the time to listen to see where his head is at. I refuse to give “Temp” employees my “permanent” employees benefits. This is a top-notch company that requires a dedicated staff. My texts have turned into candidate rejection letters and the block option has allowed me to remove my emotions. I am not looking for perfect, I am looking for someone who finds me as one of their passions and is willing to bring us to another level. I have a lot to lose and am willing to take risks but only with the right candidate. #nextcandiate

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