There is an epidemic that internationally affects women across the world that have children. It is a psychologically self-inflicted guilt when we engage in activities outside of our children. The guilt denies these women of their happiness, and distracts them from the activity they were to engage or supposed to participate in. There was a scene in “Power” a series on Starz, that showed Tasha the recently separated mother drowning herself in sorrow (with a bottle of wine) when it came time to her alone time. There was a lot factoring into her frustration with being without her children, like the fact they were staying at his new girlfriends house. The scene displayed a sense of loss when her kids were absence from her presence. I used to be her until I got a divorced, and was required by law to share time with my son between my ex-husband and I. Every other weekend, my husband takes my son to spend quality time. During the first few weekends, I drove myself crazy. I wanted to control things that even I wouldn’t have control over even if he was with me. As time passed, I began to take the time to find new things about myself. I remember hanging out with some friends family members, and I asked one of the “moms” to come out for the evening with us. She proceeded to tell me that she was a “mother” and that was her priority. Does being a mother mean to sacrifice your identity as a woman or a living being? Does the fact that I want to do something outside of my child make me less than a mother? The answer is hell no! To be honest the reason I decided to write this blog is because its unfortunate but there are many women with this mindset. Its beyond going clubbing every weekend, it is a form of self care. There is no need to feel guilty when it comes to taking time to get your hair done or a mani/pedi. Its even more difficult being a single mom feeling guilty being intimate. Moms intimacy is important as well! Whatever it is you like to do or haven’t done and would like to try…do it! Little did she know but that made me a better mother. Just because you are physically in your children’s presences doesn’t mean your are emotional contributing to them your best self. I always wonder do men feel the same guilt…sorry guys but I believe the answer would be No. Generationally the women before myself have sacrificed so much for their children, which is typical and necessary, however it can turn into a point of resentment. I love my son tremendously, but I can’t love him or show him what love is, if I don’t love myself. Being an amazing parent does not require for you to stop living or being yourself. In fact my son will tell you “my mom is Lit”! Please feel free to leave questions or comments!
June 30, 2017 I will be hosting a Moms getaway weekend at my home with mothers from different relationship and professional statuses. We will have a sip and chat over Facebook live of this very topic. The date will be posted via my Facebook page. We would love for you to tune in!