Searching for answers…

I know for me that particular situations place me on a path to search for answers. Every time I attend a funeral, or experience a loss, I go months thinking about life and my purpose. When my son was born stillborn, I wanted answers. I wanted answers from the physicians, my ex-husband, my family and friends. I wanted God to reveal to me the reason for my pain. I was angry with the world but hid behind a smile. My depression was masked by my ability to do my daily task. I read every self-help book on how to be happy and to have faith.  I have engaged in church, counseling and hypnotherapy. Yes, I have tried it all. Its is so much easier to have faith when life is going well. When you’re in the storm and your faith is being tested this is a whole other story. I have been on the healing path for more than five years now and within the last year have engaged in some interesting spiritual healing. I was in Manyunk, an artsy section of Philadelphia having dinner with one of my girlfriends. I am going to refer to her as Kim. Kim and I enjoyed drinks and dinner at this Cajun restaurant and decided to head to insomnia cookies for dessert. We were walking and discussing the usual, life and relationships and walked directly past our desired destination. We came across a palm reading sign that said $10 palm reading outside of a clairvoyant residence. I have always enjoyed following Silvia Brown and learning about psychics but never had a reading for myself. I was doing well in the healing process but really wanted to find out where my life was going. I randomly came across the Pharma industry after my move here to Pennsylvania, and recently got divorced. I was trying to date and really just wanted to know where my life was headed.  I also wanted to get in touch with my grandmother and see if she was proud of me and the woman I have become. I was curious but extremely nervous at the same time. I think the biggest fear of seeing a psychic is them telling you that your near death. I mean death is inevitable, but for some odd reason we all live life as if it isn’t. The idea of knowing scares most of us, but at this point I was a little tipsy and fear was drowning in the martini I had for dinner.  We walked in the shop which was bright and surrounded by the color purple with books of tarot and spiritual information The woman who greeted us was heavy-set with long black hair and a soft-spoken voice. She proceeded to introduce herself and tell us about the tarot readings and the cost. Michelle the clairvoyant mentioned the different types of things her shop did spiritually and speaking to the dead was one of them. She stated that she usually doesn’t do that for a first time reading but Kim and I decided this was something that I needed to do. The reading ran $125 or something so I had to go get cash from a local ATM. As we walked to get the cash Kim asked me how I felt about doing the reading. I told her I wanted to see if this was true and if I could contact my son or grandmother. I was excited and even if the experience wasn’t what I expected I was fine with losing the money. Kim left me at the shop, and went home because Michelle stated she wouldn’t be able to focus on my energy and the energy of my loved ones if she attended. She proceeded to take me downstairs to a beautifully decorated room with a chaise, and a desk with a bench. She sat me down and asked me for my hands. As she took my hands and peered into my heart and soul, she told me things about my life that I wouldn’t expect for her to know and she began this by telling me my past life regression. According to Michelle, I am an old soul, a lonely soul that has never been family oriented and has never found their soul mate. I am a tired soul and I have an open window in which my past lives affect the current life I am in.  My previous curiosity may have heightened my beliefs but much of what she said brought light to me and my current life. I cried the ugly cry as everything seemed so relative and made me see why I behave the way I do. She mentioned that I had three previous lives in which she was able to see. The first life she stated I was a young asian girl. One of which was a sex slave that died by being strangled.  She stated this was the reason for my interest in Buddhism and Asian culture.That young girl resides in me and affects my current life through my intimacy issues and timid ways sexually. She also explained my fear of not breathing and short breaths. She stated I currently breathe just enough to live. She recognized something within me I barely recognized myself. I was lost for words. She began then to tell me about my second life, I was a warrior, which meant I was a man….

to be continued….

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