Searching for answers…Trust

The window into my current life was a mockery of the one Michelle was explaining to me now. She proceeded to tell me that in another past life, I was a warrior. My current life was an example of a warrior. My physical and spiritual strength potentially could be a result to this life she was now addressing. She stated that in this life I was a loner. Not much family or love for that matter. I was laughing as she explained to me that I was a man, but very caring and sensitive. I never found true love in this life as well, and was killed on the battlefield. The story behind my death is what still burdens me. I was supposedly on the battlefield, when I noticed a young child in the midst of the violence.  I stopped and tried to redirect the child to safety. Michelle proceeded to tell me that when I turned my back the child stabbed me and I died instantly. The compassion and concern for the child lead me to lose my life. The unexpected wound to the back from a child, has led me on the path with a lack of trust in others. This has carried on with me as well into my current life. Michelle also decided to tell me that since I was a man in my previous life that I show interest in women physically. I mean this is something that I thought about to myself,  and was surprised when she mentioned this to me (or knew about). I don’t ever see myself in a relationship with a woman, however the sexual curiosity was there. She told me that I wasn’t attracted to people but more attracted to souls… which lead unto my last life as the healer. My last life she said I was a healer and did natural homeopathic healing. This made the connection for me in regards to my love for crystals, aromatherapy, and many other natural remedies. She went on to explain to me that my life as a healer has made me susceptible to attract broken souls. The life of the healer lasted only until about sixty.  To be honest, I forgot how she said I passed on in that life. Now I’m sitting there with my mouth open looking at Michelle astonished at what she was telling me. She proceeded to tell me that she knew how tired my soul was and she was wondering why I choose to keep coming back. Im not saying that everything that Michelle told me was true, but in that moment, she spoke to my soul. My soul cried that day, it wasn’t the tears of Kieona. It was the tears of someone who has traveled many paths searching for answers. Now that I think of it, do my previous lives make me question my faith and trust in the process. She never mentioned to me whether or not my past lives were fulfilled, but there is something different about this one. I have a son, who was actually my best friend in a previous life, who spiritually and emotionally connects with me in a way no one else has. He emotional fills holes and knows what I need before I even say. He actually saved my life. Michelle mentioned to me my life’s purpose of saving other women, because I once was stuck in the dark of depression and suicidal. My son brought back my light and trust in god’s plans. Michelle told me that my grandmother was making an appearance but was reluctant to speak with her because she didn’t believe she did what she did. Right then, I knew that was my grandmother. Michelle told me that my grandmother decided to take the path as a guardian angel and has watched over me and the family ever since. Michelle kept apologizing for the things she was saying but my grandmother had no filter. She was a blunt woman and Michelle said she reminded her of Madea. Bingo! My grandmother kept referencing the feather/angel wing that I have on my left arm that I placed on her tombstone. Her way of saying thank you. Now every time that I see it I know I am where I’m supposed to be with her guidance. My grandmother told Michelle that her fear is for me to raise Micah alone. She said she was getting upset about me doing everything myself and she wanted to see me in a happy, healthy relationship. She said she always knew that I was the one in the family to break the generational curse. This curse occurs amongst many African-American families. Children born into sin, unwed parents, abusive relationships, generations of broken love. She knew I was the one prepared to change the mindset of the women before me and to live in my purpose. Michelle told me what Gods vision/plan for me was. I would share it but I rather show you. My mother’s life ,before I was created and the life of my father and his sins was the fluid I marinated in for nine months. My Mother never really shared the story of my conception but I was made aware of the broken relationship between her and my father. She didn’t have to tell me much because I relived it and seen it with my own eyes when I was pregnant with London. I sympathize so much for others because I know pain all too well. I decided that day that I wanted to close the chapters of my past lives, and move towards my purpose. It wasn’t going to be easy I had more work to do but it was beyond the physical.  I had mental and spiritual work to do…a fight between heaven and hell (positive and negative energy) on top of all the other daily things I do.  While I continue on the search for answers…

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