Title does not give value…

I thought having the ring would fix my relationship with my ex. Like many women, I believed that things would miraculously change and for the better. Instead things got worse. As women, I think we are taught socially what a relationship is supposed to be like and what to expect. However, in all reality this is not the case for everyone. As I said before in one of my previous blogs, not everyone wants the same thing.  Movies and shows skip over the trials that it took for the relationship to flourish. We see the wedding and the women saying yes to the dress but what about life afterwards. I am a fan of “Say yes to the dress” and watch it daydreaming of the wedding I did not have. We didn’t have the money for a huge wedding, let alone the friends or family to attend. My ceremony was in my apartment on Christmas eve witnessed by two of our best friends, and we were happy! It was something we said we wanted to do a long time ago, but were not prepared for such responsibility and commitment. We were both young and doing what we thought was right. I was his wife, so I immediately thought I would come first. That all the pain of our past would be gone and we would move on to a brighter future. All because of a piece of paper, ring, and vow. Wrong! Now, as I am getting older and wiser through experience, relationships should be valued by the love (GOD)  and how one makes you feel. As a woman, we are taught the importance of being claimed, like a piece of property. A man can claim you and defend your honor, and turn right around and disrespect you through his behavior when you’re not present. When I started dating again, I might have scared a few guys off because of my first date statement. “Look, I am dating with the intentions of a relationship.” Now that I think about it, I wasn’t just setting expectations, I was blocking the experience before it happened. Now that I think of it, I sounds pretty desperate. I turned dating into a job, and didn’t enjoy getting to know the person. I was exhausted from the past hurt and pain and wanted the “good man” now! We may think we know what we deserve but when we receive it are not emotional prepared. Don’t get me wrong its fine to set your goals for dating, but I realize that allowing things to flow will allow you to get to know each other without the pressure. I don’t know why I acted in this manner but I felt like I was running out of time. I’m like the older I get, the harder he will be to find. Or, the longer that I remain single the more “independent/strong female” I will become ( I was told men don’t like that). Just like every other single woman out here, I wanted to be claimed. I wanted someone to parade me on their social media as the love of their life. I wanted a picture perfect relationship. Dammit I wanted the title! Now, as I look beyond the surface, I’m okay with coasting. There is no need to hurry love. I see to many women with the title left unhappy because they are slowly losing themselves to fit the title someone else gave them. I see women who waited years for the ring after breakups and heart-break, and finally get it. They don’t realize they are carrying the physical evidence of what could be as to what the relationship truly is. We grieve the things that could have been, and my heart breaks for the fact that they don’t know. Only growth within ourselves and our partners can add value to a title. He can tell you who you are to him,  but his actions convey his value of you to others. As women we compete for this title, for someone to call you their own. At this point in my life, I am all for the experiences. I want to fall into an unforced love that feels as natural as me taking a breath. I want loving me to come easy for him. I’m good with the title, been there done that… show me how you value me through your actions. I gave myself a title that I will uphold…the title of his queen productively waiting for her King.

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