Friday night I spent my entire evening preparing for Ladies weekend through organizing my house. When my house is not organized…neither am I. Having a clear and peaceful space allows for my positive energy and creativity to flow. The pile of clean clothes on my sons bed that remained there for the past week could give you an idea of the week I had. I was overwhelmed and needed to clear my space. Not just for my visitors but for myself. I have had writers block for a few days, very eventful life but had a hard time putting things into words. Today however, after taking a break from cleaning my home, I indulged in watching Queen Sugar for an hour. The episode was about a young man experiencing police brutality and his parent’s divorce. He was a young black man that came from a wealthy family, and was pulled over for driving a new foreign car his father (NBA player) purchased him. He was taken into custody and spent a few hours in jail. This traumatic experience changed his life and outlook on the world he once knew. He decided to skip school to get some clarity and walk to a community event of speakers sharing their negative experiences with law enforcement. His aunt was responsible for orchestrating this community event. The young man since the event has lost his appetite, and was unable to conduct himself as he used to before the trauma occurred. His clarity, understanding, and peace came through others sharing their similar stories. His social status, race, bank account, or prior titles all meant nothing. At this moment he shared a bond with others through tragedy. A traumatic event occurred that broke his innocence and as he sought out answers, he found comfort in those with similar experiences. So how did this resonate with me and my reason to write this you ask? I got a call this morning at 1 am while I was changing shower curtains. It was from one of my girlfriends that resides here in Pennsylvania. She was a little tipsy or as she would put it “Im on Kie”. They were having a conversation about a young woman who recently endured the same trauma I experienced almost six years ago. This young woman’s child was born stillborn. My girlfriend reached out to me because she is aware of my situation and wanted me to provide herself and friends of the young woman, some guidance in how to heal. My girlfriend was on the line weeping as she was mourning this young woman and my pain of child loss. They couldn’t understand it and I remember myself going through the same process. It was amazing to see the other end of the situation. How her loved ones were affected by it and how they wanted to conceal her pain. I’m sure my family and friends felt the same. They asked me what could they do and how to go about supporting her…I instantly knew what I needed to do. I gave them my contact info and told them I would love to meet her just to hold her and tell her she is not alone. The best healing for me was speaking to women who I could bond with through tragedy. They understood me and my pain. Every woman I encountered and spoke to after my son being born stillborn gave me strength. One of my college professors, a woman I sold my expensive couch to, a list that I can go on and on. As of today, I am asking God to use me as a tool or a resource for woman who are troubled after fetal loss. Use me as an ear, comfort, or a shoulder to lean on. I am here to help guide you through this nightmare and to understand there is calm after the storm. To the young girl that has recently lost her child, her dreams, and sense of womanhood, my heart goes out to you. May God give you the strength to fight through this healing process and journey you are about to endure. It is not an easy road but I am here for you. We may not know each other but we bond spiritually through tragedy. Just know you are loved and God has plans for you. As I sat and watched the ending of Queen Sugar as the young man was embraced by his aunt, tears fell down my eyes. My son was annoyed with me because he wanted me to hook up his game. He then realized I had tears streaming down my face. I would have never know almost six years ago after the loss of my son, that I would have this little man here wiping my tears away and telling me how much he loves me. I am so blessed. Unlike other mothers you will have a different sense of connection with children and life. One in which you will show much appreciation and gratitude for. You will be more aware of how valuable life is and I promise you it truly is a gift.
If you or anyone else you know has experienced some form of fetal loss and need some guidance or support please feel free to write me an email. I would love to help anyway that I can. If you have questions or just want to vent please feel free. If you are a family member or friend and don’t know exactly what to say or need to talk my email address is open to you as well. Thank you!