Insecure…

Last night at a Caribbean night club, I was moved by my purpose. I decided to take a trip to the ladies room to pat down my oily skin with some toilet paper. Ladies that have the oily T-zone area understand my issue. I wanted to check my makeup, and make sure that all the dancing wasn’t catching up to me. My goal when going out is to look the same way I looked when I came in. Especially when the club shuts down and the lights come on.  When you find your purpose, you encounter situations and individuals everywhere that may need your spirit. The women’s bathroom is a great way to connect with other women, especially at a club. I never thought to have the conversation at such an ungodly hour and while under the influence (of alcohol of course). There was a young woman in the bathroom clearly intoxicated. She wasn’t hovering over the toilet but seemed a bit emotional. She was celebrating her 26th birthday and obviously she was having a blast up until she made that bathroom trip. She was standing in the mirror fixing herself up. I’m sure she had the same goal as me to keep up the look she had when she came to the club. Unfortunately, in the state she was in that would have been impossible. She was dressed in a very provocative piece, a very short and see through dress. The dress left very little to imagination, and reminded me of something Beyoncé would wear for performances. She had bright red hair like Rhianna, and a curvy body that women would pay for. She was fixing her undergarments and exposing her backside. I kept praying that someone wouldn’t walk in on the woman. At that point, she seemed to not care especially with her doing so in the presence of a complete stranger. Maybe at that moment I was a stranger, and her intoxicated state allowed her spirit to feel out my energy. She began talking about women’s bodies and how we go through so much physically and mentally. She talked about how she was the mother of two children, both a boy and a girl. She explained how she had them both via C-section and the damage it caused her body. I told her that I had a C-section as well, and knew how insecure the damage had made me. Anyone that knew me prior to having children, knew I loved wearing two piece bathing suits to the beach.  She was at the club with a love interest, and I had spotted them both on the dance floor prior to our bathroom encounter. Reality began to set in when she looked herself in the mirror. It wasn’t just her birthday, she was realizing that she was a year older. Every birthday most of us evaluate where we are, and how far we’ve come. We also recognize that in some areas, we may not be where we thought we would be. As she looked back and forth between me and the mirror,  she became vulnerable and poured out her insecurities. She began to tear up and tell me how hard she is trying as a mother. You could tell she had been hurt by the men in her past, and feared the new love wouldn’t last. Here she is a single mother of two children, insecure about her body, love, and life journey. I was there in that moment to reassure her, that she was not alone. I assured her that I too battled with insecurities with my parenting. We can only do the best we know how. I am reminded every time I stare in the mirror at my naked body, my experiences of childbirth. I struggle in love, and fear loving because of the hurt of my past. I know what it feels like to fear being happy in a relationship, because your waiting for the ball to drop. In that very moment, my spirit connected with a complete stranger to remind her that we all are insecure. We are all the same. No matter how beautiful, successful, intelligent, and strong we are, we have insecurities.  Within a span of five minutes,  both my business card and hugs were exchanged. My purpose of me spreading my words of encouragement, and promoting women empowerment has moved beyond my blog. It’s beyond sharing a word, its inspiring others. To those who wish to do the same, to live in your purpose and inspire others, I’m the reminder that following your dreams doesn’t mean you can’t be insecure. It means that through all of your insecurities,and flaws, your able to uplift others in their time of need. I am far from perfect, but through my mistakes, and life’s lessons, I have been able to return faith in others when their faith is being tested. I am a living proof and a walking representation of resilience. Spread love through your insecurities. The best counselors are those with experience.

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