Naomi

“You are destined for a girl.” says my  spiritual coach. Her name already written in the cards. I did not see this for myself, as I go back and forth on whether another child is what I truly desire. What I see for myself, is blurry due to my current relationship status. What God has planned for me is a whole other story. My spiritual guide was able to see it clearly and the first name that came to mind was Naomi. My daughter will be the symbol of resilience. Naomi biblically was a woman of loss. She not only had lost her two sons, but also her husband. The pain she endured from the loss of loved ones resulted into bitterness, and a cold heart. Naomi wanted to change her name originally meaning “pleasantness”, to Mara which means “bitter”.  My entire life was surrounded by love and loss. I watched my grandmother endure the same pain as Naomi, to the point she died along with the dead. Bitter is the pain we feel when dreams and life turns sour. Bitterness does not require for you to just physically lose something, it can also mean losing emotionally or parts of oneself. In spite of all of this pain, we are required continue on. The world continues on, even when our hearts stop. My daughter Naomi will be the symbol of strength of her mother, grandmother and great-grandmother.  Before my grandmother passed, she became Mara. No one would go visit her and most kept their distance. They would ask about her well-being but her pain was contagious and draining. Bitterness and anger drain energy. The loss of children and a spouse made her question her life. As women we are taught that marriage and children are our main priorities, when these are not obtained or are lost, a part of us dies. Our innocence towards love and life are broken. We view the world through a different set of eyes. One in which the pain and fear over shadows the true beauty. We live in a society that does not allow us to feel. A society that forces us to “get over” instead of to “go through”. People are forced to pretend they are healed, as opposed to go through the healing process.  Some self medicate, self inflict pain, and cause more harm than healing. I am still going through the emotional rollercoaster. Trying to understand the emotions and validating why I feel this way and understanding that its okay. In this cold world, I have found myself between both Mara and Naomi. That moment when all faith was lost, my grandmother stood alone. She gave up on love and life. She however has redeemed herself by guiding me. She is a voice and a reminder for me to choose life over death. She reminds me that every time I choose to be happy, or help others, I am choosing life. God knew what he was doing when he sent my son Micah. I’m sure my grandmother put in a request to make sure it was a boy. When I became Mara, all it took was my son. a glimpse of God, and his unconditional love to return me back to Naomi. Everyone dislikes miserable people, but refuse to provide them with the very remedy they need. Love. A reflection of the life and love that they once knew to be true. The reason I choose the name Naomi is not only because of her resilience, but also because of her biggest support. Naomi may have lost the love she once knew, but also gained love and support from her daughter in law Ruth. Ruth vowed to be with Naomi and exemplified the true meaning of a friend. Ruth was willing to love Mara back to Naomi. Ruth is my grandmother’s name and one of my spiritual guides. The life before me, guides me, and continues to inspire me. #Naomiruth

 

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