Dreams

Tonight, I have made the decision to say ” Fuck this medical writing class.” As early as Monday morning I am dropping this course, and deciding to take some time off. My frustration has been rising with my current professional journey.  To be honest it has been this way for a while. I have always tried to squeeze my size 10 ass into society’s box . A small space that has restricted me from living the vibrant life that I know I am destined to live.  All of my accolades and goals accomplished for the last 32 years, did not belong to me. I did what I thought I was supposed to do. We were taught to work a job for twenty years, become a homeowner, get married, have children, travel if you ever have extra money, and die. We were taught to silence our dreams, and not to aspire to do more, as this would bring attention to yourself. I have been trying so hard to find my niche in the clinical research world. A world of scientist that are trying to find out why people of color refuse to participate. A world that is extremely technical with a hypothesis and statistic for everything, but lack research of people of my kind. I am a blog writer, a creative energy source that writes about her emotions and the toughest lesson anyone will learn…life. I am not physician, I am the patient. I’m in a class with physicians and medical workers focused on cardiology and musculoskeletal education for the emergency room.  The articles have no soul, no content, but papers of bullshit research. That is the problem with the world today, everyone believes in all things seen by the eye or tangible. However, everything that truly means something can’t be seen by the human eye or even be duplicated. I guess it angers me because I was that patient. That statistic that was left to follow the words of my physician because they were educated, and my words, comments, questions, and opinion were silenced by my intimidation. I’m tired of not being taken seriously. Every position I have ever upheld, I worked my ass off. I was the “token black girl”, the one who would do extra just to have them catch a glimpse of my dedication and hard work. I will no longer prove myself to anyone, including an employer. Every time I look at a job application, I cringe. I feel for the generation today. Every time I got the courage to ask for what I wanted from an employer, they would increase the requirements, or deny me because I did not prove to them why they should choose me. Our society is currently placing a cloud on the youth’s dreams. It is hard to dream when your reality says otherwise. We have a president that couldn’t care less about the issues of our country, aside from his intentions with money and businesses. Graduates searching for jobs to survive and landing positions that can barely pay to live, never mind pay for their schooling. We are taught to live in a box, we earn and purchase, and never really own. As much as I want to have more income as a single parent, I refuse to spend less time with my son. It’s already bad enough that I don’t have time for a social life. I can go on and on about this very topic. Today I decided to no longer prove myself to any employer, family member, spouse, friend, or associate. I will no longer do the very things that are “expected” of me. Instead, I am going to continue to work and fund my own dreams. There has been so much resistance between me and the path that I was choosing.  I chose the pharmaceutical  industry because it is lucrative however I am not passionate about it. From today on before making any decisions I will stop and ask myself why do I want this? I have my own mission, and my own goals. My resume is extensive and extremely diverse. I appreciate this journey, but it’s now time for me to live out my dreams. I’m breaking away from societies standards, and beginning to build an empire of my own. I no longer want to support someone else’s dreams. It is time for mine!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s