Love

This too shall pass…

I started the day off under the impression that it was going to be a rainy day. I already had it prepared in my mind due to my weather app, that we would be experiencing rain all week. This morning I woke up to bright sunshine and humid 80 degree weather. There was no indicators of a storm, so I prepared my son for the sunny day. My life has never been a dull moment and today was nothing different. With my couple of days off from work due to my birthday (my holiday), I was back to the grind like I never left. Bills, errands, finding solutions, everyday as a single mom is a constant hustle. I got a few belated birthday text and provided some guidance to a dear friend. After my work day was completed I couldn’t wait to pick up my son from school. One of my favorite parts of the day is seeing the smile on his face. Today, however wasn’t a good day for him. In fact, he got into it with a classmate that has been frequently calling him names. I was originally disappointed of course and discussed his punishment as a result of the conflict. After having the talk about what he could have done better, I realized how much my son’s day and one incident had completely shifted my energy. As I began to calm myself, I was able to actually hear him. Our children teach us so much about ourselves if we listen. They identify to us the very areas within ourselves that we have challenges. We get angry and frustrated over things that we don’t even do ourselves. He began to cry and told me that he was sad that the other student had called him names. Out of his anger he hit the kid for calling him a baby. In his safe space he was able to be vulnerable and tell his mother he was sad. The sadness in front of the other student required an action to protect and defend his emotions…the sadness then turned to anger. I had plans to go to the park and usually would have changed my mind due to the situation that occurred. However I kept my agenda and told him to run and play to channel that energy to something positive. I couldn’t help but evaluate the many times I have seen acts of anger and took them personally, not listening or observing the underlying sadness of the other individual or myself.

How interesting that tears can be formed with all three of these emotions anger, sadness, and joy. There is healing within that anger if we break down our walls to allow ourselves to feel the sadness. To come to terms with what is, as opposed to finding a defense. Within five minutes of play his mind went back to joy and at that very moment I envied his ability to shift his energy so quickly. 30 minutes in the park and the clouds began to change. There was a dark cloud that began to fill the sky, splitting both the sky with light and darkness. In the dark clouds there were very few spots of light. A lot of people see my work, see Facebook, Instagram, and think that my life is all roses. I am sharing, inspiring, and motivating even in my own storm. My days may start of sunny, and warm only to end up with a spontaneous storm. Some storms I can smell the rain and can feel the onset of the downpour. Others, I have no clue would occur and just patiently wait for the storm to pass. I haven’t quite learned how to dance in the rain. I have learned to see the storms beauty and the importance of the rain. There is healing in water, and in tears.

Most days I am overwhelmed, stressed, and clueless about how I will make it through the next day. I realized the storms don’t last forever. They can be destructive and turbulent but they are necessary for all growth. My inspiration and motivation comes from allowing myself to feel where most numb themselves. Being a parent is my greatest accomplishment, but the hardest thing is teaching another being how to see the beauty in the balance of life. I haven’t listened to the real rain in a while. I usually watch YouTube videos of it to help me fall asleep. I am sitting in my car listening to the raindrops as my son rests. Watching the storm pass as the roar of the lightening calms, and the raindrops fall on the hood of my car. I now understand while your in the storm, it can seem very messy but from the outside looking in, the process from beginning to the end all makes sense. This too shall pass …

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