Love

My last set of bricks…

Yesterday I was reunited with a man of my past. I figured since we were in the same town, I would take the time to visit. We haven’t seen each other in almost eight years, and our last encounter ended in a confrontation. He wasn’t a fan of the man I had fell in love with. He warned me about him, but unfortunately I had to learn for myself. During our time apart, this man would always cross my mind, but never enough for me to feel compelled to pick up the phone. My ego and pride got the best of me, and this wasn’t our first go around. We had a few times where we would stop talking and I would be the one to initiate the reconciliation. I was told since I never carried his name, that this set the tone for our relationship. We both loved each other, but feared getting too close. Vulnerability was what he feared and never was taught, and I emulated his very behavior. He was my first love and was known for breaking many hearts, including mine. All because of him I believed in the power of change,  which was the main reason I stayed in my marriage. I waited for the last man, because she didn’t wait for you. I waited for the respect, loyalty, trust, and love. It never came.  He told me that he was the only man who ever loved me, and he lied.  I spent so much time searching for you when you never left. Why do we as a people fear telling those what we truly feel about them? Why do we wait until the day their body lays lifeless to share how much they meant to us? Intuitively, I knew it was time to face my fears. You were the last chapter for me to close and rewrite. As soon as we connected, it was like time had never passed. The pain of the past didn’t affect us in that present moment. Time stood still and the only emotions felt was love. All these years of wanting and wishing for a man to hold me still feeling unfulfilled, I now realized it was you. Yesterday I felt whole as the pieces to my puzzle had been found. I was given permission from you to become the woman I am meant to be. I wrote London’s Prints as a project to share with the world, and eventually I desired for it to become a residual income. I wanted it to become a bestseller and for me to become wealthy off of my seven-year project. Writing my truth was my therapy and was clarity for all of those involved. My ability to be transparent about my life and living in my truths made loved ones really consider their own. I lost focus on a project that was set to heal, and began to focus on the numbers and money. Instead, I finally have realized I am rich in so many other ways. My healing consisted of me focusing on the amount of time I was single. I would tell people the amount of time in the process which meant I was focusing on the wrong thing. I decided to allow my intuition to guide me to what I need on my personal journey. Yesterday I was hugged to the point that I was uncomfortable. A hug so tight that I could tell that was the last time you would let me go. It took me to let go of the man that wanted me all to himself to realize how much I had sacrificed for my relationship with him. You weren’t even invited to the wedding, nor was it the wedding you probably imagined for me. Yesterday, I could finally breathe as the last set of bricks had lifted off of me. I was reunited with my father after eight years of separation. Now this girl can really make progressive steps to becoming who she is meant to be. Nothing is holding me back, not even me.

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