“I miss you.” He said via the blue text box on my iPhone. We hadn’t spoken for at least a week, and the timing of the message immediately left me suggesting he was out drinking. I just finished an event in Philadelphia feeling empowered and healed. It was nice to see the gesture, but I was on a high of self-love. It took me a while to respond, but I shared I missed our conversations too. The text ceased as he was only compelled to share what was on his mind. We didn’t know each other well, but I had recently invested every ounce of my very spare time attempting to change this. I try not to get attached to any of the new men in my life as they all have had the same track record of leaving as soon as I show an ounce of interest. This guy seemed very invested, goal oriented, and interested in my life as a single mother. He was from my hometown, and the age differences showed as our associations were not connected. Keeping in contact with others when my schedule was busy can be difficult. He was different, so I gave it a chance.
Rewind two months prior, I receive a direct message from a man in a blue suit looking sharp as a GQ cover model. Not my usual type, but what woman can turn down a man in a suit. The image he sent was a man jumping into a pool head first (also known as a GIF). I can’t usually tell when a man is flirting but this was clear he was diving head first in “shooting his shot”. “Shooting your shot” is the new informal way of trying to grab someones attention and letting them know your interested. This is done by connecting through social media outlet’s direct messenger. I was not even thinking about men at all due to the recurrent issues I have had with my situationship. No matter how many attempts I have had to show this man I was the one, he showed me I was one of many. Needless to say this guy caught me off guard. I have had a lot of young guys show interest as if I was still in my twenties, but age doesn’t always mean maturity. He was five years younger which was a red flag for me. I found out later he had a real mans aspirations, with little boy behavior.
“Are you okay?” He asked via the blue text box on my iPhone. The morning I received word from my ex-husbands, ex-girlfriend the news about my son’s father. I was confused as to how this man could know what was going on as soon as I found out. I was on an emotional rollercoaster and couldn’t believe the news I had just heard. I was angry, disappointed, and embarrassed. I knew the guy I had been talking to was aware of who my son’s father was but I just didn’t understand how he knew ahead of me. “How did you know, and when did you hear?” I asked him confused. “I knew since Saturday, the day I had text you about missing you. That night I was out drinking because I lost one of my friends.” He explained. At that moment I was confused and empathetic for his loss. So many people from my past resurfacing, my phone ringing off the hook with concerned people about the nightmare that occurred. Everything seemed a blur. My trust and sense of security was disrupted. My son is half of this man, and I was married to this man. I have seen him in his darkness but never had I ever believed he was capable of this. “I’m so sorry about your friend. ” I responded, not putting the pieces together. “It wasn’t my place to tell you. I’m sorry your going through this.” he replied. The man I was getting to know was the friend to the man who lost is life at the hands of my ex-husband.