There is POWER in letting Go…

Fuck this shit

There is so much power in letting go! It took me a while to recognize it, but I felt the need to share my story. People have no idea how I conceived Micah. I mean beyond the sexual activity that I had to partake in. I mean on a spiritual level, his conception was divine timing. I always get a laugh from my friends when I tell them he is the easy bake oven baby. He was made on a rooftop of a hospital in less than four minutes. His father and I decided to do things the right way this time. We became so close after the loss of our son, that we decided to get married. The closeness wasn’t healthy. In fact I clung to him for the fear of losing him as well. Within two years I had lost both my grandmother, my newborn son,  and the thought of losing him made my emotional grip even tighter. Micah was the gift that we received as a result of me letting go of all my fears. As most mothers do, I spent months preparing for London right up until my due date. I spent time preparing his nursery and shopping for all his needs. I even got a new apartment, and cleared out the negative energy of some family and friends. I did what I thought I was supposed to do in preparation of my new title as a mother. When he passed, I spent days in my apartment, with visitors coming in and out to check on our wellbeing. I became so comfortable with all of the company that when alone, I became afraid of darkness. My husband at the time did his best to make sure I was never alone, and one day while at work, I did the unthinkable.Buddha let go

I called my best friend at the time, to tell her to bring her cousin by to take everything out of the nursery.  At the time her cousin was about five or six months, and was the only other person I knew expecting. I really wanted to give everything to a person that greatly appreciated it, and she was the first person that came to mind. I just wanted it all out of my house. I got sick of physically looking at my dreams shattered but nicely arranged like a museum display of what life was supposed to be. A quiet nursery, that screamed the very pain that I felt within. My girlfriend at the time, thought I was losing it. She asked me multiple times if this was something that I wanted to do. One thing about me is that when my mind is finally made up, that is it. There is no turning back for me. One thing I regret is not talking to my then husband about it at the time. Then again, if I did, he probably would have talked me out of it.  I watched as they removed everything from my home piece by piece. To be honest once everything was gone I don’t recall shedding a tear. My husband and I got into a huge argument that evening when he got home. He wanted to hold on, and I was ready to let go! People said not to get rid of it because you will have another child. Or, “put it in storage so you don’t have to prepare when the next child comes. Why would you do that?”. The answer is for my sanity. I slowly, opened up to holding other babies, and celebrating the life of other couples and their newborns. I still hurt from the loss of my son, but I no longer wanted to be stuck on the events of Dec 2011.Letting go 2

Three months later, I ran into my best friend’s mother while leaving an attorney’s office. She proceeds to tell me that one of my best friends were expecting at the time. I sat in my car for at least an hour crying crocodile tears, not even aware that I was pregnant myself.  March of 2012, I found out I was pregnant with Micah. My husband and I at the time were grieving in our separate ways. Him though partying and bullshit, me through facing my demons head on. I call to tell him the news of the conception of our second child, and to my surprise, he asked me what my plans were. Neither of my pregnancies were celebrated, but there was no way I would even consider an abortion of a child after losing one. In our physical bodies, we are more inclined to physically or mentally hold on to things. The power in letting go is letting God or the Universe know you have faith.  We continuously try to play in these roles, trying to control every aspect of our lives, only to find much of  this life we have no control over.  The power of letting go is knowing that there is something more for you. Letting go is allowing space for the new. When we hold on through trying to control, we lose or power, only to allow the situation to end up controlling us. When we let go and surrender the power of trying to control, and allow what is for us to be received by us,  life becomes much simpler. What is meant for you, will always be, and nothing that is for you can be taken or compromised by anyone but you. There is so much good in change and miracles that occur when you realize the power of letting go. Holding on through action is backed by fear. Letting go and doing so with love, only life changing situations can occur. When we hold on to events, people, and circumstances we are stunting our evolution. Forcing what we thought was meant to be, as opposed to what is to be. I have learned that no matter what the circumstance is I will let it go, always realizing that whatever the outcome, I will be okay! Letting go is my silent physical prayer to God + or the Universe, letting them know that I trust them even when I can’t see what they are constructing behind the scenes.  Let Go!

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The intuition of Serena, and the power of Oprah…

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Today while scrolling on social media, I came across multiple articles about Serena Williams and her trauma during child birth. Williams who appears in the most recent article of vogue, discusses her medical emergency after her C-section to her first born daughter Alexis Olympia. According to the Vogue article, once Williams contractions began, baby Alexis heart rate began to plummet. Due to their concern for the baby, an emergency cesarean section was performed. The next day during recovery, Williams began to fall ill and flagged down a nearby nurse for assistance. She stated to the nurse that she needed an IV with heparin, blood thinners, and a CT scan to check for blood clots. The nurse immediately brushed off Williams request, as she believed the previous medication provided to Williams may have affected her decision making.  A doctor appeared only to provide Williams with an ultrasound, in which it had no evidence of blood clots. Williams aware of her medical history proceeded to repeat her need for a CT scan in which the doctors later found small blood clots in her lungs. William’s intuitive decision for herself, saved her life. She advocated for herself and her needs. Williams is a well known celebrity tennis player, and African American woman. Her experience and platform brought light to a medical crisis that we as African American women are exposed to during childbirth.  African American Women are three to four times likely to die of pregnancy or delivery complications, as opposed to white women. Our fetal loss number and miscarriages are high as well. My concern with this, is the amount of value our community places on the words of the physician. There are two community leaders that we as African Americans are taught not to question. That is the pastor of  your family church, and you family physician. What they say goes! Unfortunately, we as a people are unaware of the collaborative effort it takes in diagnosis and in treatment of disease within our community. We lack self-love to the point of being unaware of our bodies, and leave the power of advocacy in others hands. No one has your best interest for you, except you. We have to learn to be confident enough to know what is or isn’t good for us. Doctors diagnose you off of what they see by comparing to similar cases and the symptoms you tell them. Every case is different and unique just like every birthing story.

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In the same week, Oprah provides a compelling speech for women to take back their power. Just recently have women come open about their stories of sexual harassment and abuse with the #metoo movement. These two women are reminding us of the powers within. We as women need to be reminded to tap into our intuition and internal powers when it comes to making decisions in every area of our lives. Our bodies are our temples and it is our job to protect and care for our physical being. When you have established a love for self, you no longer fear telling someone “No”, or making a decision solely for the protection of your being. You are you own advocate! Stand within your power and process intuitively what it is you need or don’t need. It is a new day! Tap into your tuition like Serena, and stand in your power like Oprah! That is just a preview of some of your black girl magic.

If only you knew (Patti Labelle voice)

She reminds me of Patti Labelle or maybe that is the image I created of her in my mind. She loves to sing, cook, and spend time with her family. She had a voice just like her, before the cigarettes paid a toll on her vocal cords. I recall my father always bragging about her ability to sing. We recently had another falling out, there is always a constant misunderstanding between the both of us. She with the powerful desire to be respected and my desire to be heard. Neither willing to provide either, but I have a platform that allows me to do so. She doesn’t realize it but I have already mourned the loss of her, as I watched her die when I was a young girl. The last argument she told me that I never have her back. If only you knew…They say growing up in a black household being a young woman can be tough. Majority of the households are ran by single mothers with very little presences from the fathers. A counselor/therapist once asked me did you ever feel loved by her, and the unfortunate answer is no. She used to always tell me when she was drunk, how her lack of affection stemmed from her mother. How she fell in love with countless men, but I never seen her love for herself. Had your back? Lets just say I have pissed in cups for her, having no clue what I was doing that for. Only to realize I was helping her with random drug test for her employment at a big named chemical plant. The same company years later she got fired from. When tragedy hit our family in 1996, she died along with them. I recall cleaning up throw up from the side of her bed, and caring for my toddler brother while she partied the night away. Have your back? She had my grandmother, my cousin, and a tribe of women to call on for help, and childcare. Instead I played as her caregiver, and was screamed and yelled at when I desired for her closeness.

She was great at giving, I had a shit ton of toys and material things. Just like my ex-husband her affection and love was too costly. I recall panicking call bars, and hospitals because she stayed out all night, while I played mom at 13. Middle school I barely passed as I was being bullied at home and in school. I knew exactly the right time to ask you to sign my report cards. The night after you were drinking you wouldn’t even pay attention. You never paid attention. Your pain affected your loved ones. When you lost yourself you forgot about me. I found my uncle dead, had a seizure, and not once did anyone ask “are you okay?” Fuck therapy give it to God and Kieona is strong so she can handle it. I’m a writer today because of you. The only difference is I don’t need liquid courage to be true to who I am. In a way, I feel like you have always disliked me because of that. You always taught me to be everything except for myself. More cute and sexy like my cousin, stay out of the sun your already black. You taught me about relationships and then ask how I ended up with a man like that. You my greatest teacher! I didn’t grow up to be a “Dike” but I do embrace my masculine energy. I monitor my drinking because I never wanted it to take over me like it did you. My father may not have been any better but he did teach me how to be a woman. How to care for myself, it was hard to learn about menstrual care from him. You tell everyone that I choose to live with my dad, and your right I did. If you only knew, I made that decision because I knew if I stayed my soul would have died too.

I made myself responsible for picking up your pieces. Cleaning up after the messes you made. My teenage years were stripped from me, you allowed no room for me to make mistakes. Then you call me “Mother Teresa”, you hated the fact that I was always the good girl. You created enough hell in your life that I did not want to add to it. I recall my cousins mother the “known” addict of the family tell me there was no difference between you two, except you had a job. She was right. I was the disrespectful child because I exposed the shit you sprinkled with sugar. The exterior you did so great to cover. A functioning empty soul. Where were you for all three graduations, prom, the birth of my two sons, and anything else positive that has happened in my life. If you only knew… that through your hell you unconsciously dragged me through, I still loved you. Even through all the lies you have told about me as if I were your competition not your daughter. You brought me up to be independent and nurtured my brother. You tried to hurt me with the very demons you had dancing in your closet.

I gave you another chance. A do over with my son. Even though he gets to see a different side of you, I still have not let my walls down. I don’t trust you with my son for a sleepover or anything without my presence. I value his childhood and his perspective on love. I don’t want you to teach him your conditional love. The love that is available only when you are pleased with one’s actions. One in which subsides as soon as you are unhappy. I don’t want him exposed to your intoxicated love. The emotions you spew with liquid courage that I hold onto until the following day when you are angry and sober. Although life has changed for you because your body doesn’t allow certain things, your heart still remains closed. I am not your competition, I am your daughter. Not your homie or caregiver. You have abused your title as the walls I have built because of you, made me fear others on the outside. In a way, I believe you dislike me because of my strength. I see how easy it was for you to fall into the negativity as I have experienced everything you went through and more. If you only knew…beyond those men, beyond the drugs and alcohol, beyond your fears and insecurities, there was a little girl that truly loved you unconditionally. To the point that when she became an adult she encouraged her self love journey to you as well. I found the secret and couldn’t wait to share it with you. But your heart was not open. If you only knew…

The Miseducation of Postpartum Depression

Medical Blog

Postpartum depression/Postnatal Depression, also known as PPD, is a very common medical complication amongst new mothers. Our Society has created this perception that childrearing is supposed to be one of the happiest times in a woman’s life. Imagine the pressure of a new mother when she doesn’t feel those exact emotions. Confusion immediately sets in, and the mother fears something is wrong.  Little does the new mother know postpartum depression occurs more often than publicly mentioned. Starting a family is an exciting time, but new additions and responsibilities can result in more stress, and lack of sleep. Depending on the woman’s family support, economic status, and spousal support, these can all contribute to her depression and mood swings. This can occur especially if there is a lack within any of these areas.  The miseducation of depression, and the fear of being diagnosed, is the misunderstanding and lack of knowledge about the disease.  The truth about postpartum depression is that it is normal, and about half of women experience depressive moods after giving birth.

Image result for you are not alone postpartum depression

PPD occurs in 15 out 100 women within the first three months. Half of the women have mild to moderate cases of depression.  PPD can also be a more severe case, such as postpartum psychosis which is very rare. PPD symptoms are much stronger than the usual “baby blues” and last longer than the first couple of weeks postpartum.  The symptoms of postpartum depression are as follows:

Anxiety

Lack of sleep (Insomnia)

Loss of appetite

Poor Concentration

Not being able to enjoy your usual favorite activities/No energy or Motivation

Low Self-esteem

Feeling down/Crying spells

Thoughts of harming the baby or yourself

Postpartum depression is not dangerous, and without treatment symptoms will decline within four to six months. New mothers have been found to have thoughts of harming their newborns or themselves. Postpartum depression becomes an issue if the mother acts on those very thoughts. This is when the disorder turns to potentially dangerous to the child and the mother. If the mother is acting on these thoughts, or feeling suicidal, it is important to contact the OBGYN or primary care doctor. The Pennsylvania Suicide hotline and the Emergency 911 are resource available for those with an immediate assistance need.

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

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In the past, hormones theoretically were the belief behind postpartum depression. Hormonal changes affect the brain chemistry that is responsible for our emotions and mood changes. There is minimal clinical research to prove this belief. There are many contributing factors that may increase a new mother’s susceptibility for postpartum depression. The factors include being previously diagnosed prior to pregnancy with anxiety or depression. Women with a family history are likely to have depression.  A woman who experiences high levels of stress during the pregnancy, and after the childbirth can contribute. Having unhealthy relationships with domestic partners and family members can also ignite the disorder. It is important for the expectant mother to focus on both her physical and mental health, as she is bringing forth a new life.  Non-judgmental emotional support can minimize depressive symptoms, and create an environment for the expectant mother/new mother to express her true emotional state.  It is important for her to know that she is loved and supported.  Unfortunately as women we carry the burden of taking care of the family, but we can only do so if we are in a good physical and mental state.  Treatment begins when we acknowledge there is an issue.

So what do you do if you are experiencing these symptoms?

Contact your OBGYN office and make an appointment immediately. Total Women’s Health provides an extensive amount of resources and information for postpartum depression. There are many different treatment avenues for a new mother to choose. Counseling and anti-depressants are possible options for mild cases of post-partum depression. There are some holistic ways in treating depression as well. Simple things such as changing your diet, incorporating exercise, aromatherapy, massages, acupuncture, support groups, and light therapy.  Postpartum depression can seem like a lone experience but this does not need to be the case.  This is a fight you don’t have to fight alone. Contact Total Women’s Health today for resources and potential treatment options. Fear is because of the miseducation of this disorder, educate yourself.

 

 

Written by Kieona Fairley Founder of London’s Prints LLC

Cloudy mirrors

For some of us, the way we see ourselves is not truly who we are. In fact the ego really creates this facade of greatness and lack of shortcomings. A true person on the path to self discovery has endured the emotional rollercoaster of seeing through a clear mirror. Everyone that we attract is a reflection of who we are or what we are at that very moment. The very things that are highlighted to you through the negative behaviors of another, is you  finally seeing through a clear mirror. Everything vibrates on a frequency, what our mind thinks we attract. Trust me it’s a hard pill to swallow but every circumstance and situation we unconsciously attract it. Your baby daddy that you reallly dislike, or girlfriend that betrayed you is all a reflection of your internal thoughts. Wiping the mirror clean takes a lot of self-reflection and pain because of the truth being revealed. That very thing that you dislike about someone, and you continuously encounter is a lesson for you to learn. I had to learn the hard way, about the things I don’t want, to become clear with the things I do want. My emotions have always been valid, and the answers have always been internal. I have sought out answers through books, loved ones, and others through experiences, only to realize every situation and circumstance is tailored to you. Just you! The truth hurts. The best advice I can give is to spend time evaluating those who frustrate you, because deep down they are a reflection of you and the reason for your cloudy mirror. Getting an understanding of them, clears your mirror of the debris. So you can make the appropriate changes of thought to create a different life for yourself. One without doubt and support of the ego. Stop looking at yourself through that cloudy mirror.

Hurricane

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Its been heavy on my heart for the past few days, to talk about the recent extreme changes within our weather. I don’t watch the news for my own personal reasons, but have followed hurricane Irma. The news has been filled with so much tragedy and sorrow, I felt the need to speak on it. Growing up, I wasn’t forced to go to church, but God, and Christianity was a big part of my upbringing.  I recall my mother telling me the story of the end times, and how the bible explains it in detail. I used to fear this very thing because death was once my number one fear. As I have become older and wiser, I realize the symbolism of the bible and the stories told. I do believe these are the end times, but not for the existence of the world and the beings within it. The end times is a catastrophic event that occurs that changes the way we function and shifts the way we think. Things around us are falling apart forcing us to work together as a people.  When I found out my son was to be born stillborn, my world stopped. The news hit me like a hurricane, unexpectedly and damaged how I viewed life, and affected all of the loved ones close to us. That very traumatic event changed my life, and forced me to value life on a deeper level. A level in which I became obsessed with my personal growth and living in a purpose. A purpose that was outside of myself and one that would be a service to others. The world around us and our environment is speaking to us. The universe is bringing a halt to our lives and reminding us all of what truly is important. When tragedy hits, nothing of material significance matters. Not the house, car, or even your title matters at that moment. We have all seen in the past few days, peoples lives being completely flipped upside down. They are losing everything they have ever worked hard for, but many still have life. The violence, crooked politicians, and events occurring amongst us are a sign. A sign that we are not living right. We are being forced to work in unity and to help our neighbors. Our society has lost sight of what life is all about. We cannot control everything, However, we can control ourselves and our own actions. This shift and the destruction of what we thought we knew, is an opportunity to be reborn. We are being reminded of what truly is important. Love for humanity, for self, and our environment.

Clean Space …

Anyone that knows me, knows that I love my space nice and clean. From studio apartments to becoming a homeowner, my living space is my sanctuary. A house is not a home without the energy that is placed in it. Before I bought my current home, and after my divorce,  I redecorated my two-bedroom apartment I once shared with my son’s father. This was important to me as I had to rid myself of the toxic energy we filled our home with. Love didn’t live there anymore, but while I resided there, I made it a point to rebuild a new love there.  I am the woman who doesn’t leave to go anywhere without her home clean. Vacations, work, or just a night on the town, coming home to space and clear energy is important to me. My home decor and scented candles add the touch of serenity, and peaceful vibe. Depending on what visitors I may have had that day, you may even catch the stench of previously burned white sage. That when I have to clear out the negative vibes. My window sill holds a rose quartz crystal, that is placed directly in sunlight to invite a loving environment. Everyday it is not like this. Being a mother to a crazy, energetic four-year old, and all the other titles I withhold, maintaining this household can seem impossible. I manage, because my home is a reflection of my head space. When my space is cluttered or unorganized my creativity ceases to exist. I don’t feel like myself. It’s as bad to me as having the wrong outfit for a big event.

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This week, my mother decided to come down to visit her grandson. My house was clean but it was not orderly. I went to the office as usual on Thursday and made sure I instructed her not to do anything while I was gone. We attended happy hour at a local restaurant with my little one in attendance. Micah was so happy to go to happy hour, he was looking forward to seeing some excitement. My poor child kept asking the waiter is it happy hour yet, he was disappointed when he realized he was unable to partake in the adult festivities. After dinner we headed home. Upon entering in my home. it is routine for everyone to take their shoes off. I have carpet throughout my home, so this maintains the carpet between the cleanings. I walked throughout the house to see everything neat and orderly. The house was not a mess before we left, but laundry and my room were always a bit out-of-order. My mother who is not always physically well, took the time to make sure my house was just the way I liked it. I had to tell her how much I appreciated her help, as this was a gift that I truly appreciate. I don’t ask for much, but when people take the initiative to do things for me without asking, mean the world to me. I had to express my appreciation for what she did, and told her how much that meant to me. Her face lit up knowing that she did something to ease my busy life/schedule. As I walked through the house, I realized the symbolism of this very act. It wasn’t about the fact she spent her whole day organizing my home. It was that finally my relationship with my mother was a clear space and at peace. You see, we never had a good relationship during my teens and early adulthood. The maximum amount of time we could spend together in a room without arguing was an hour. There was always so much tension and anger from the past that we just could not move past. I didn’t understand her decisions and choices as a child, and she felt me voicing my opinion was a form of disrespect. As a mother now, I understand she did the best she knew how. Our relationship is not emotional and there is little to no affection. She explained to me her experience with her mother and how she tried differently with me. My grandmother was not the type to say “I love you” or hug and kiss her children or grandchildren. My mother yearned for this, but once she had her children she slowly showed her form of affection. My mother does say “I love you” but the physical aspect is very limited. As a mother, I am more affectionate with my son because of this.  I had a successful week with my mother because I decided to change the way I dealt with our relationship. I forgave her for my experience that I had with her, and learned to accept her for who she is. Not the mother I wanted her to be. When we focus on who we think someone should be, we bring more attention to their flaws or the attributes they lack. This blinds us from seeing the positive aspects of the individual. Her clearing my space was beyond organizing my home. She made room and space within my head and heart to grow. When we have these toxic relationships with loved ones, they can put a halt into our growing process, and limit our ability to love. She cleared a space that no longer is cluttered with negative experiences and resentment. I am able to view her as she is right now. My desire to change for my son, and his innocent love, has allowed a space for all those who love him to grow.  We came together for one purpose, and that’s to show and love this young black boy to the point where societies view of him will not validate him. Instead his cup will be filled with love, and his space will be clear to allow him to flourish to the best of his ability. So since my home was clean, I was able to organize and sit and share this with you. If I were to die tomorrow, I would be content with the extent of effort I put into my relationship with friends and family. A lot of people leave this world with cluttered spaces of pain from their past. Not being able to say the things they wished they could have said, if only they took the time to clean their space.

My Lesson from Speed Dating

just me

First of all, I was very hesitant about going. Anyone that knows me, knows I wait for no one to have a good time. I bought the ticket a few weeks prior to the event, as I always told myself to try everything at least once. I tried on a million outfits, and did a complete transformation from what I looked like while working from home. I had to apply heat to my hair, and wear my snug fitting denim during my first few days of my cycle. Mother nature decided to join me a few days prior, and I was feeling beyond bloated. Before the event I sat and ate nachos, and procrastinated the transformation process. The process of me changing from the pauper to Cinderella. I wasn’t in the mood to get “dolled up”, but when you don’t want to go, go. Every time that I am resistant to attend an event, I always end up having a good time. There was no fear, but as a perfectionist, I wanted to be prepared. The outfit I had in my head the last two weeks, failed me. I had no idea how the event would go, or just initiating conversation with a complete stranger could be awkward. Philadelphia is an hour away from my home, but is the central place of entertainment. The event was to begin promptly at 7:00 PM, and I left my home at 6:45 PM. You do the math! I made a few phones calls to receive some moral support. I really wanted someone to talk me out of going. Everyone has that occasion when they call someone just to confirm or validate their issue. Unfortunately, in my particular case, I only surround myself with people who hold me responsible for my own decisions. Of course,  I chose them for a reason. I didn’t need them to promote this event tonight. I wanted them to say turn back around and spend some cuddle time with your son. The first call says “Do what you think you should do.” Then my mother, my new hype man, “Girl go, I’m praying for you!” Praying for me? I’m not about to die, I’m going to speed dating.  Her prayers where for me to find someone who makes me and my son happy, because she believes I deserve it. Every mother wants the best for their child, but this woman has seen my struggle. She knows me beyond her daughter, but also as the woman I have become. Fuck it! I decided to keep driving.  I came late but I wasn’t the only one. I was number 78 of the women. I was one of the very few women in attendance by themselves. Most of the women appeared to grab their work buddies or single friends to provide support. I didn’t go to look for love. I attended the event to network and meet professionals. I did find love though. I did not know this photo was taken and found it on the promoters Facebook page this morning. This photo symbolized the very lesson I learned last night at speed dating. In a room of over 70 women, I felt such a sense of security within myself as a woman. No competition, as I am a rare commodity. My sense of individualism, and uniqueness exuded beyond the crowd. My ability to stand alone and connect with other spirits. It was beyond the flat-ironed hair, and the outfit that made the cut. My spirit shined that night. The faces the men made when asked “what do I do?” I sensed that I’m not for everybody, and that’s okay. I am beyond this vessel, my accolades, or current position. I am a woman driven by purpose, with the healing ability of a Goddess. I have loved beyond societies surface love. I gave to others when I was broken. I have taught lessons while still learning. As unique as my fingerprints, I stood beyond the crowd. I allowed my light to shine, and attending speed dating I found love within me. I stayed for a little beyond the event, and decided to skip out before the speed dating portion was over. There were a few guys that seemed intrigued with me and my presence, but like Cinderella I left with very little information available to them . I advise everyone to try it one day. It was very interesting and a great way to network with other individuals. These were my lessons learned from speed dating!

P.S. That beautiful chocolate thing in the stripped shirt, in the middle of the room…that’s me!

 

Insecure…

Last night at a Caribbean night club, I was moved by my purpose. I decided to take a trip to the ladies room to pat down my oily skin with some toilet paper. Ladies that have the oily T-zone area understand my issue. I wanted to check my makeup, and make sure that all the dancing wasn’t catching up to me. My goal when going out is to look the same way I looked when I came in. Especially when the club shuts down and the lights come on.  When you find your purpose, you encounter situations and individuals everywhere that may need your spirit. The women’s bathroom is a great way to connect with other women, especially at a club. I never thought to have the conversation at such an ungodly hour and while under the influence (of alcohol of course). There was a young woman in the bathroom clearly intoxicated. She wasn’t hovering over the toilet but seemed a bit emotional. She was celebrating her 26th birthday and obviously she was having a blast up until she made that bathroom trip. She was standing in the mirror fixing herself up. I’m sure she had the same goal as me to keep up the look she had when she came to the club. Unfortunately, in the state she was in that would have been impossible. She was dressed in a very provocative piece, a very short and see through dress. The dress left very little to imagination, and reminded me of something Beyoncé would wear for performances. She had bright red hair like Rhianna, and a curvy body that women would pay for. She was fixing her undergarments and exposing her backside. I kept praying that someone wouldn’t walk in on the woman. At that point, she seemed to not care especially with her doing so in the presence of a complete stranger. Maybe at that moment I was a stranger, and her intoxicated state allowed her spirit to feel out my energy. She began talking about women’s bodies and how we go through so much physically and mentally. She talked about how she was the mother of two children, both a boy and a girl. She explained how she had them both via C-section and the damage it caused her body. I told her that I had a C-section as well, and knew how insecure the damage had made me. Anyone that knew me prior to having children, knew I loved wearing two piece bathing suits to the beach.  She was at the club with a love interest, and I had spotted them both on the dance floor prior to our bathroom encounter. Reality began to set in when she looked herself in the mirror. It wasn’t just her birthday, she was realizing that she was a year older. Every birthday most of us evaluate where we are, and how far we’ve come. We also recognize that in some areas, we may not be where we thought we would be. As she looked back and forth between me and the mirror,  she became vulnerable and poured out her insecurities. She began to tear up and tell me how hard she is trying as a mother. You could tell she had been hurt by the men in her past, and feared the new love wouldn’t last. Here she is a single mother of two children, insecure about her body, love, and life journey. I was there in that moment to reassure her, that she was not alone. I assured her that I too battled with insecurities with my parenting. We can only do the best we know how. I am reminded every time I stare in the mirror at my naked body, my experiences of childbirth. I struggle in love, and fear loving because of the hurt of my past. I know what it feels like to fear being happy in a relationship, because your waiting for the ball to drop. In that very moment, my spirit connected with a complete stranger to remind her that we all are insecure. We are all the same. No matter how beautiful, successful, intelligent, and strong we are, we have insecurities.  Within a span of five minutes,  both my business card and hugs were exchanged. My purpose of me spreading my words of encouragement, and promoting women empowerment has moved beyond my blog. It’s beyond sharing a word, its inspiring others. To those who wish to do the same, to live in your purpose and inspire others, I’m the reminder that following your dreams doesn’t mean you can’t be insecure. It means that through all of your insecurities,and flaws, your able to uplift others in their time of need. I am far from perfect, but through my mistakes, and life’s lessons, I have been able to return faith in others when their faith is being tested. I am a living proof and a walking representation of resilience. Spread love through your insecurities. The best counselors are those with experience.