Divorce, Fetal loss, Grief, Inspirational, Living, Loss, Love, Resilience, Self help, Self Love, sprituality, Uncategorized, Women

Spiritual Suicide

London

I no longer fear death, as I have died spiritually three times in this lifetime. The loss of my first child, my divorce, and the loss of self. You may ask what is spiritual death? I have defined it as a pain that permeates the soul. An unconscious commitment to reside within the very space that the pain was inflicted. In scary movies they call it “souls with unfinished business”. It is a space where you feel defeated, without solutions or guidance, and the emotions spiral downward increasing you susceptibility to severe depression. Your perspective on life has been tainted, as if you’re wearing permanent glasses filled with darkness. I  used to enjoy listening to oncoming trains, as I always wondered where they were headed.  Every time I hear the sound of the train coming, I feel the family grieving for the life of a young woman who recently took her life by jumping in front of an oncoming train. Both locally and within the entertainment industry, physical suicides have been committed recently. Lavish lifestyles, international businesses, stardom and fame, could not illuminate their internal darkness. The fact that their loved ones around them had no clue to the spiritual warfare they lead, concerns me. How is it that within our society positivity is praised to the point many pretend for validation. How our quotes, and post, are confirmations of our wellbeing. What happened to the true check ins? The phone call, or show up at your home. Not the how are you physically but how are you spiritually? In a world full of people but yet still feel so alone. Afraid to share your storm, or your pain, with concerns that you will be judged. When others place you on a pedestal of success, it can be hard to admit that you are not as put together as you may seem. Maybe they did scream for help in ways others depending on them could not hear. The physical aspect of death is a transition that affects the loved ones more than it affects the person transitioning.  Hopefully it brings awareness to the importance of listening. They may not have uttered a word of their pain, but they may have expressed it within their behaviors. I just wished that someone would have been there to whisper in your ear to tell you it will be okay. Even if that person had to be yourself. There is no greater gift than life, as it took me to experience deaths both physically and spiritually to understand this. Those who choose to take their life physically, spiritually died before.

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My condolences to the families who may have lost a family member to suicide. The best gift you can give them…live your life abundantly.

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Black women, Grief, Inspirational, Living, Loss, Love, Resilience, Self help, Self Love, sprituality, Uncategorized, Women

AMEN

amen2Let the church say Amen!

I was once told that there were three biblical scriptures assigned to me. Psalm 23, 51, and 91. Every night before bed, my son and I say Psalm 23. Psalm 23 is a comforting prayer that reminds us of God’s protection and guidance. I was born a Christian, however I don’t consider myself any particular religion. I am inspired by the words and the sense of calm it provides. I still believe in GOD but my religion is Love. On this journey, I have realized that a lot of the things we believe and do, are a result of us following the lead of others. Most people remain Christian or Catholic because that was a part of their upbringing. They participate in traditions that have been passed down for generations, some not even knowing or understanding the history behind it. As I evolve and flourish, I make it my responsibility to understand the words I say, and things I do. What I mean by this is to research or get a better understanding of what I do, and not because it was something I was taught to do, or is a part of my culture. Recently, I responded to a family members motivational post by saying AMEN. The post really touched my soul, and it actually reminded me of a sermon or something that a preacher would say. So what better way to respond than to say AMEN! Then I thought to myself, what does AMEN actually mean? I have been saying it all my life, whether in church or around family. It is the ending to every prayer,  and is universal across most languages and countries. I had to figure out what was I truly saying.

SOUL1

After conducting some research, I have found that we have been answering our own prayers all this time. To pray is a form of meditation and the conclusion of AMEN is the confirmation. AMEN is originally derived from Hebrew meaning “so be it”. So be that the very circumstances that we face, regardless of their inconveniences or pain they cause, this is necessary to my journey. Saying “So be it” to me is a reminder to surrender. I have to constantly remind myself that it is not always up to me to find a solution. Many times while in difficult circumstances finding a solution out of temporary emotions can create more problems. So be it is a reminder to have faith that even through our times of trouble, we have to realize that everything is working out for our greater good. So be it, is a reminder of the power of the present,  being in the now , and minimizing your fears of tomorrow. You want change? So be it. That very thing you desire or wish to be. The change you wish to see in the world. The answers to your complications in your relationships, finances, fears and dreams. Your prayers require action from you. So the next time you pray, pray for the strength to improve you. To create in you a pure heart to see light in darkness, to except the things you cannot change, and to understand that everything is purposeful. No matter what your current circumstance, listen to GOD speak through you as you say AMEN. Reminding you to live in the moment, love fully, and understand you are only in control of you. AMEN.

Black women, Fetal loss, Grief, Inspirational, Living, Loss, Love, Resilience, Self help, Self Love, sprituality, Uncategorized, Women

Spiritual Weight?

 

BeAre you carrying spiritual weight? After being on this journey of taking care of my body and working out rigorously, I realized there is more to this journey. I recall being so angry at the scale when I would notice no change in the numbers after two weeks of hard work.  The past three months for me have been more than a physical transition, it is also spiritual. For the past two days I kept repeating in my head that spirituality is mentality. Although some may disagree, your mentality is your state of beliefs and your way of thinking. Spirituality is the intangible aspect of the human experience, and is the driver of our belief and behavioral systems. I was fighting myself throughout this journey and still do some days in regards to my intake. My taste buds have changed drastically and I’m realizing the effects of low-frequency foods, as opposed to  higher vibrational foods. I was angry with the scale for not moving but I realized my mentality and reasoning for the weight loss at that point wasn’t congruent to who I was meant to become. I have been up and down constantly over the years in my weight, but this time it feels different. This time I am doing it for me, and to be able to keep up with my five-year old son. Most of all, over these years I truly believe I was afraid of the women that I could potentially be. In fact most people are. Many women hide behind their layers of weight physically as a cushion. So to give you a better understanding, I had a problem spiritually and within my reality, of letting go. I have carried the weight that I have gained since I got pregnant with my first son for the last six years. My problem area being my womb/stomach area.  Even though I went through the loss of the stillbirth and thought I spent time healing, my body unconsciously held on to everything that I ate. How many women do you hear ” I shouldn’t be eating this, it will go right to my stomach” or “I have a slow metabolism, I’m going to gain a bunch of weight from eating this”. This is a prime example of the importance of changed mentality. The way I thought about myself reflected within the way that I looked and the weight that I carried.

weightloss

Another example of spiritual weight are women that have experienced some form of sexual trauma and have acquired an extensive amount of weight gain. Many women unconsciously build these bodies to protect themselves from further sexual trauma. The crazy aspect of this is when I begun my human ways kicked in, and I wanted instant gratification. I have been neglecting my body and not nourishing or exercising as I should for years, and I expected a transition within a month or two. This was the trying time for me, as the numbers did not drop. I saw the physical change in the measurements but the numbers were not moving. I was going to quit, and say that maybe this was the weight I was meant to be. I decided to keep going and pounds just began to come off. One day I deleted some old photos of my ex I had, and I also decided to get rid of my stillborn son’s box of memorabilia. I will either give it back to his father, or bury it. I no longer feel the need to hold on to things that no longer serve me. I refuse to remain stuck in the chapters of trauma. They no longer serve the person that I am becoming. The things that I am required to do, I cannot be in an uncomfortable physical or mental state. It’s not about losing the weight, it is about letting that shit go. Once you start the journey of caring for your body it goes into a state of shock as this is different for it. Your body not only moves, but has the ability to heal itself. Our mentality and thoughts affect our weight, the foods we consume, and how we care for ourselves. Let go of the pain of your past, work towards your future body, and watch you become your own body goals.

Yogi

Black women, Grief, Inspirational, Living, Love, Resilience, Self help, Self Love, sprituality, Women

Fundraiser alert…

speaking eventI have my first speaking event on July 20th, 2018 in Philadelphia. I am asking my wordpress community for your support and contributions to make this event memorable. The event theme is “Self love” in which we will discuss the importance of self love amongst women. I am beyond thrilled and excited ( a bit nervous as well) as this is truly a dream come true. We have started a fundraiser to help with the cost of the event. I have attached the link to the fundraiser and really appreciate your help in making this dream come true. Forever Grateful. Kieona Fairley

https://www.gofundme.com/women-wo-judgement-self-love-event