I ENVY the girl that dances like no one was watching.
Most of the other women spent hours trying to find something to wear
While she went for a simple black ensemble with a pair of sneakers
She was comfortable, as here outfit was a reflection of her relationship with herself.
Comfortable in her own skin
She didn’t come to impress, she came to dance
Taking over the dance floor with no liquid courage in hand
An Asian woman with a curvy figure
Dancing to Caribbean tunes in a predominantly black club
Completely letting go of her inhibitions not giving a fuck who was watching
She was completely rebellious, not your typical idea of what society thought she should be.
I wished the loud music would turn. Down the thoughts in my head
To allow me to focus on that very moment
To be able to do exactly what I came to do.
Dance away the stress and pain from the last few weeks
To allow my body to escape to foreign lands because my pockets can’t physically take me there yet.
I was aware of everyone around me afraid not to do too much …with a wine that was restricted not by the skirt but by my thoughts.
I realized there is such a connection in women’s sensuality and dancing. A woman’s confidence exudes through her dance. Her sensuality most likely works for her beyond the dance floor. Leaving all insecurities behind.
Most women go and complain they don’t want to sweat their hair out. Their feet hurt, or don’t want to mess up their makeup. They stand with resting bitch faces in an outfit they spent hours and money to find to look good for that very moment. Uptight, more concerned about being the baddest in the room instead of embracing there unique sensuality.
The young woman reached for me to join her.
She even slapped me across my ass to motivate me to move. She was so much younger than me…why did it take me this long to get this. Let go. Burn a few calories while dancing to your favorite tunes. Dance like I do in front of the mirror at home with no one watching. Sex would be so much better if I got out of my head like I did on the dance floor. The experience is not about the outsiders. Its all about you. Doing what makes you feel good regardless who is watching. You can’t buy confidence. The women all dolled up in fear of messing up their outfit paid for; a mask of Confidence. While this young confident and sensual woman got the experience. To dance the night away like it will be her last time.
This appears to be the worst thing that could happen but he needed to get him alone. In a place where no one else could control the outcome but him. To silence out the noise and remove the distractions. We spend a lot of time trying to do God’s work through trying to make things happen. When we do we create a catastrophe of a mess. Stepping into someone else karma will hurt everyone that played a role in the protection of the individual. Because when god is purposeful there is nothing no human can do to change the outcome.
The is so much power in the creation of life between a man and a woman. That their spiritual paths will always affect each other even when they are apart. Our choices will forever affect the life of our seed.
Unfortunately life doesn’t get easier
In fact, life challenges will increase
People don’t just stop mistreating you
Or relationship issues cease
Some loved ones may remain stunted within their growth
As much as you love them…the way to show them is to let them go
Bills will be there
Destruction of the government
Loved ones will pass away
Hurt people will continue to hurt people
And as much as you want to save the world
You think of it in a collective or as a whole
Instead change the world through you
I realized I will never find peace from external factors.
The human experience is all about differing levels of consciousness
The world around you may crumble and fall
You have to find your peace within
Darkness always comes along with the night
In knowing this you can find peace that the sun comes in the morning.
This was written as a result of realizing I wanted something more with someone who was no where near ready for a commitment! This was the second time in the past two years a man has pretty much told me that a relationship was not what they wanted, and months later that’s what they pursued. I was home to them, a place to heal for them to start all over again. As a healer, I have to be mindful of where I exert my energy and if it is being reciprocated or appreciated. I have to be home to myself. It hurt my heart to hear he gave her everything I asked him for. When things did not go accordingly he came back to me, and I opened my door to console his heart only for him to leave again. Leaving me feeling rejected.
Instead of texting you I figured I would write.
My words written hold more value than sharing them with you while your on another page
We spend so much time searching for the one
Someone just like us… but where is the fun.
How can you evolve connecting with someone just like you?
She is what you want…and I am what you need.
As I give you me…you give me experiences. I value the lessons in learning to love one as is.
I know nothing last forever but I wished you would’ve choose to stay longer. Every time I see you I’m reconnecting with what could’ve been. The times spent together become a faint memory of the past when I want to be your present. They say love is a game and I refuse to play. I just wished you were as woke to your needs, as opposed to your environment and those around you.
I have learned a lot this year but I have realized I need to continue blogging as this was the platform that created my memoir London’s Prints. I am back WordPress community. Happy New Years Eve!
I always wonder if my relationship with my father as a little girl was more than just the weekend…would my expectations of men be greater than them just showing up? Not leaving me on the stoop waiting for them to play their part. On the weekends they would give me their somewhat attention as a sense of obligation or duty. During the week, the absence left me to question our relationship. My normalization of the trauma from my childhood experiences has tremendously affected my dating life. Leaving me to question those who are consistent, willing to step up to the plate providing the very things I need, and deserve. We as women will find every excuse to deny ourselves true unconditional love. When things go smoothly, no stress, and consistency but argue with a man mirroring to us his unwillingness to accept the love we desire to give. Our frustration with him is a mirror to our feelings of unworthiness and our willingness to be available to who is unavailable to us. One day a man will pick you up from the stoop you sat waiting on all week. Wipe the tears from your eyes and show up not just physically but also emotionally. There will be no confusion as to his intentions, just remember to not be available when the weekend comes.
How selfish of me to give you only water, but limit you to the darkness confined within my home. Your beauty was for my entertainment and my eyes only. You blossomed and wilted right before my eyes as I denied you your natural state. In light you may have blossomed a little longer. Nothing truly lasts forever. This isn’t just about flowers, are you being denied light and nourishment from your relationship?
It’s official London’s Prints is now available on Amazon for purchase! Link to purchase has been provided below.
So much time has passed since my last blog and I have not posted anything in a long while. With all of the craziness going on, my son starting first grade, work, and writing, I have been missing in action. I just wanted to check in with you all and share some exciting news. London’s Prints has been published and will be available on Amazon very soon for purchase. I am so excited about this project and it has been a long time coming. I had no idea how I was going to pull this off but I did. I also have an upcoming book release event in Chicopee, Mass. I figured I would go back to the place I was raised to celebrate with friends and family. I want to share my gratitude for the WordPress family as this platform allows a space for unique creativity to be shared with the world. I had no clue what I was dong about a year ago starting a blog. To all the writers, you are just as unique as your fingerprints. Writing is a form of expression that allows us to leave our marks on this world. True success lies within your own goals being accomplished. Your inspirational words, story, and your insight may just bring light to another person’s life. That is worth more than anything. Embrace your individuality, be vulnerable, and continue to pour out your soul whether pen to paper, or a keyboard. Thank you for your support!
I have attached a link to the book release event, and my Kick starter page to make this event possible.