Puppy Love

I recall being young and in love. The elders would call it “puppy love”, terms they used to express young innocent love. After my experience today with my son, I think it’s the elders/adults that got it all wrong. Okay, maybe not all wrong, but they could learn a thing or two from “puppy love”. Today I got my tail back in the gym and did my normal workout. After I did my thing, I headed back to the childcare center to grab my son. As we were walking out of the YMCA, Micah ran into a classmate. I never met the young girl but she sure knew who my son was. The mother was originally distracted by whatever she was trying to do, until she heard her daughter call my son’s name. She immediately looked at me and asked “Is his name Micah?”. I responded “yes” and watched as she repeated the question to her daughter. The little girl, I will refer to as jasmine, was standing holding my son’s hand staring into his eyes. The mother turned to me and said “Ever since she started school, she would come home and tell me she was going to marry Micah.” Now, I had to give it to this little girl, she knew what she wanted, and at the tender age of five. I’m not going to lie, it hurt me a bit to see some other girl so head over heels over this beautiful chocolate boy. Her mother and I stood in awe at her presence and admiration for my son. All the while my beautiful five-year old son was completely oblivious as to what was going on. He started trying to give her high fives, and create a special handshake. He then proceeded to give her a hug but reminded her that it was just a “friend” hug. The mother and I exchanged numbers to set future play dates for the two and jasmine had a hard time saying goodbye. As a mother, I now understand what it feels like to meet that special someone. I know they are only five, but it was a sneak peek into what I truly dreaded.  The young girl’s mother was a nurse practitioner. Jasmine seemed to come from a good family. I told her maybe we could think about this arrangement twenty years from now. This little girl stole my heart, because her intentions were so pure and kind. She admired the child that I created. Just like a typical guy, Micah was clueless and focused on what we were about to do next (as he should have been at that age).  Jasmine whose name is not really jasmine, reminded me of the character off of Aladdin. She looked middle eastern or of Indian descent. They never not once cared about nationality, religious backgrounds, nor what we as the mothers thought. Something intrigued jasmine about my son. She was gentle and fearless and didn’t have a worry in the world about trust, or being hurt. Her heart was open and fearless. She took a chance and expressed her feelings regardless of what my son may have felt. She wanted him to know she felt something special about him. Fast forward twenty years from now Jasmine most likely will not have that same confidence. She may be afraid to share her feelings with someone because we all fear rejection. Her heart most likely will have been broken by some high school jerk. She may have beginning signs of trust issues, and love in pieces. My son was extremely distracted but instantly took to the energy she was giving him. Puppy love is the most purest innocent form of love. That is what I want to get back to. The adult understanding of love is a result of negative experiences. At first, I always wondered how I would feel when Micah started dating, but after meeting Jasmine today she eased my mind. Why wouldn’t I want my son to experience a love that is unconditional. Why as human beings are we so territorial. Not allowing our loved ones to experience love from different places, including the opposite sex. Jasmine taught me today to love like I have never been hurt, and to take chances in love. Puppy love is the purest form of love, adult love, and views on love, can be tainted because of previous relationships. Puppy Love is fearless and guided by our internal compass, our heart. My job as Micah’s mother is to raise a gentleman. A man who respects and values women. I’m sure one day some girl is going to break his heart, but hopefully he will learn from me that there is love after loss.

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Naomi

“You are destined for a girl.” says my  spiritual coach. Her name already written in the cards. I did not see this for myself, as I go back and forth on whether another child is what I truly desire. What I see for myself, is blurry due to my current relationship status. What God has planned for me is a whole other story. My spiritual guide was able to see it clearly and the first name that came to mind was Naomi. My daughter will be the symbol of resilience. Naomi biblically was a woman of loss. She not only had lost her two sons, but also her husband. The pain she endured from the loss of loved ones resulted into bitterness, and a cold heart. Naomi wanted to change her name originally meaning “pleasantness”, to Mara which means “bitter”.  My entire life was surrounded by love and loss. I watched my grandmother endure the same pain as Naomi, to the point she died along with the dead. Bitter is the pain we feel when dreams and life turns sour. Bitterness does not require for you to just physically lose something, it can also mean losing emotionally or parts of oneself. In spite of all of this pain, we are required continue on. The world continues on, even when our hearts stop. My daughter Naomi will be the symbol of strength of her mother, grandmother and great-grandmother.  Before my grandmother passed, she became Mara. No one would go visit her and most kept their distance. They would ask about her well-being but her pain was contagious and draining. Bitterness and anger drain energy. The loss of children and a spouse made her question her life. As women we are taught that marriage and children are our main priorities, when these are not obtained or are lost, a part of us dies. Our innocence towards love and life are broken. We view the world through a different set of eyes. One in which the pain and fear over shadows the true beauty. We live in a society that does not allow us to feel. A society that forces us to “get over” instead of to “go through”. People are forced to pretend they are healed, as opposed to go through the healing process.  Some self medicate, self inflict pain, and cause more harm than healing. I am still going through the emotional rollercoaster. Trying to understand the emotions and validating why I feel this way and understanding that its okay. In this cold world, I have found myself between both Mara and Naomi. That moment when all faith was lost, my grandmother stood alone. She gave up on love and life. She however has redeemed herself by guiding me. She is a voice and a reminder for me to choose life over death. She reminds me that every time I choose to be happy, or help others, I am choosing life. God knew what he was doing when he sent my son Micah. I’m sure my grandmother put in a request to make sure it was a boy. When I became Mara, all it took was my son. a glimpse of God, and his unconditional love to return me back to Naomi. Everyone dislikes miserable people, but refuse to provide them with the very remedy they need. Love. A reflection of the life and love that they once knew to be true. The reason I choose the name Naomi is not only because of her resilience, but also because of her biggest support. Naomi may have lost the love she once knew, but also gained love and support from her daughter in law Ruth. Ruth vowed to be with Naomi and exemplified the true meaning of a friend. Ruth was willing to love Mara back to Naomi. Ruth is my grandmother’s name and one of my spiritual guides. The life before me, guides me, and continues to inspire me. #Naomiruth

 

Hurricane

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Its been heavy on my heart for the past few days, to talk about the recent extreme changes within our weather. I don’t watch the news for my own personal reasons, but have followed hurricane Irma. The news has been filled with so much tragedy and sorrow, I felt the need to speak on it. Growing up, I wasn’t forced to go to church, but God, and Christianity was a big part of my upbringing.  I recall my mother telling me the story of the end times, and how the bible explains it in detail. I used to fear this very thing because death was once my number one fear. As I have become older and wiser, I realize the symbolism of the bible and the stories told. I do believe these are the end times, but not for the existence of the world and the beings within it. The end times is a catastrophic event that occurs that changes the way we function and shifts the way we think. Things around us are falling apart forcing us to work together as a people.  When I found out my son was to be born stillborn, my world stopped. The news hit me like a hurricane, unexpectedly and damaged how I viewed life, and affected all of the loved ones close to us. That very traumatic event changed my life, and forced me to value life on a deeper level. A level in which I became obsessed with my personal growth and living in a purpose. A purpose that was outside of myself and one that would be a service to others. The world around us and our environment is speaking to us. The universe is bringing a halt to our lives and reminding us all of what truly is important. When tragedy hits, nothing of material significance matters. Not the house, car, or even your title matters at that moment. We have all seen in the past few days, peoples lives being completely flipped upside down. They are losing everything they have ever worked hard for, but many still have life. The violence, crooked politicians, and events occurring amongst us are a sign. A sign that we are not living right. We are being forced to work in unity and to help our neighbors. Our society has lost sight of what life is all about. We cannot control everything, However, we can control ourselves and our own actions. This shift and the destruction of what we thought we knew, is an opportunity to be reborn. We are being reminded of what truly is important. Love for humanity, for self, and our environment.

Clean Space …

Anyone that knows me, knows that I love my space nice and clean. From studio apartments to becoming a homeowner, my living space is my sanctuary. A house is not a home without the energy that is placed in it. Before I bought my current home, and after my divorce,  I redecorated my two-bedroom apartment I once shared with my son’s father. This was important to me as I had to rid myself of the toxic energy we filled our home with. Love didn’t live there anymore, but while I resided there, I made it a point to rebuild a new love there.  I am the woman who doesn’t leave to go anywhere without her home clean. Vacations, work, or just a night on the town, coming home to space and clear energy is important to me. My home decor and scented candles add the touch of serenity, and peaceful vibe. Depending on what visitors I may have had that day, you may even catch the stench of previously burned white sage. That when I have to clear out the negative vibes. My window sill holds a rose quartz crystal, that is placed directly in sunlight to invite a loving environment. Everyday it is not like this. Being a mother to a crazy, energetic four-year old, and all the other titles I withhold, maintaining this household can seem impossible. I manage, because my home is a reflection of my head space. When my space is cluttered or unorganized my creativity ceases to exist. I don’t feel like myself. It’s as bad to me as having the wrong outfit for a big event.

mommys mom

This week, my mother decided to come down to visit her grandson. My house was clean but it was not orderly. I went to the office as usual on Thursday and made sure I instructed her not to do anything while I was gone. We attended happy hour at a local restaurant with my little one in attendance. Micah was so happy to go to happy hour, he was looking forward to seeing some excitement. My poor child kept asking the waiter is it happy hour yet, he was disappointed when he realized he was unable to partake in the adult festivities. After dinner we headed home. Upon entering in my home. it is routine for everyone to take their shoes off. I have carpet throughout my home, so this maintains the carpet between the cleanings. I walked throughout the house to see everything neat and orderly. The house was not a mess before we left, but laundry and my room were always a bit out-of-order. My mother who is not always physically well, took the time to make sure my house was just the way I liked it. I had to tell her how much I appreciated her help, as this was a gift that I truly appreciate. I don’t ask for much, but when people take the initiative to do things for me without asking, mean the world to me. I had to express my appreciation for what she did, and told her how much that meant to me. Her face lit up knowing that she did something to ease my busy life/schedule. As I walked through the house, I realized the symbolism of this very act. It wasn’t about the fact she spent her whole day organizing my home. It was that finally my relationship with my mother was a clear space and at peace. You see, we never had a good relationship during my teens and early adulthood. The maximum amount of time we could spend together in a room without arguing was an hour. There was always so much tension and anger from the past that we just could not move past. I didn’t understand her decisions and choices as a child, and she felt me voicing my opinion was a form of disrespect. As a mother now, I understand she did the best she knew how. Our relationship is not emotional and there is little to no affection. She explained to me her experience with her mother and how she tried differently with me. My grandmother was not the type to say “I love you” or hug and kiss her children or grandchildren. My mother yearned for this, but once she had her children she slowly showed her form of affection. My mother does say “I love you” but the physical aspect is very limited. As a mother, I am more affectionate with my son because of this.  I had a successful week with my mother because I decided to change the way I dealt with our relationship. I forgave her for my experience that I had with her, and learned to accept her for who she is. Not the mother I wanted her to be. When we focus on who we think someone should be, we bring more attention to their flaws or the attributes they lack. This blinds us from seeing the positive aspects of the individual. Her clearing my space was beyond organizing my home. She made room and space within my head and heart to grow. When we have these toxic relationships with loved ones, they can put a halt into our growing process, and limit our ability to love. She cleared a space that no longer is cluttered with negative experiences and resentment. I am able to view her as she is right now. My desire to change for my son, and his innocent love, has allowed a space for all those who love him to grow.  We came together for one purpose, and that’s to show and love this young black boy to the point where societies view of him will not validate him. Instead his cup will be filled with love, and his space will be clear to allow him to flourish to the best of his ability. So since my home was clean, I was able to organize and sit and share this with you. If I were to die tomorrow, I would be content with the extent of effort I put into my relationship with friends and family. A lot of people leave this world with cluttered spaces of pain from their past. Not being able to say the things they wished they could have said, if only they took the time to clean their space.

My Lesson from Speed Dating

just me

First of all, I was very hesitant about going. Anyone that knows me, knows I wait for no one to have a good time. I bought the ticket a few weeks prior to the event, as I always told myself to try everything at least once. I tried on a million outfits, and did a complete transformation from what I looked like while working from home. I had to apply heat to my hair, and wear my snug fitting denim during my first few days of my cycle. Mother nature decided to join me a few days prior, and I was feeling beyond bloated. Before the event I sat and ate nachos, and procrastinated the transformation process. The process of me changing from the pauper to Cinderella. I wasn’t in the mood to get “dolled up”, but when you don’t want to go, go. Every time that I am resistant to attend an event, I always end up having a good time. There was no fear, but as a perfectionist, I wanted to be prepared. The outfit I had in my head the last two weeks, failed me. I had no idea how the event would go, or just initiating conversation with a complete stranger could be awkward. Philadelphia is an hour away from my home, but is the central place of entertainment. The event was to begin promptly at 7:00 PM, and I left my home at 6:45 PM. You do the math! I made a few phones calls to receive some moral support. I really wanted someone to talk me out of going. Everyone has that occasion when they call someone just to confirm or validate their issue. Unfortunately, in my particular case, I only surround myself with people who hold me responsible for my own decisions. Of course,  I chose them for a reason. I didn’t need them to promote this event tonight. I wanted them to say turn back around and spend some cuddle time with your son. The first call says “Do what you think you should do.” Then my mother, my new hype man, “Girl go, I’m praying for you!” Praying for me? I’m not about to die, I’m going to speed dating.  Her prayers where for me to find someone who makes me and my son happy, because she believes I deserve it. Every mother wants the best for their child, but this woman has seen my struggle. She knows me beyond her daughter, but also as the woman I have become. Fuck it! I decided to keep driving.  I came late but I wasn’t the only one. I was number 78 of the women. I was one of the very few women in attendance by themselves. Most of the women appeared to grab their work buddies or single friends to provide support. I didn’t go to look for love. I attended the event to network and meet professionals. I did find love though. I did not know this photo was taken and found it on the promoters Facebook page this morning. This photo symbolized the very lesson I learned last night at speed dating. In a room of over 70 women, I felt such a sense of security within myself as a woman. No competition, as I am a rare commodity. My sense of individualism, and uniqueness exuded beyond the crowd. My ability to stand alone and connect with other spirits. It was beyond the flat-ironed hair, and the outfit that made the cut. My spirit shined that night. The faces the men made when asked “what do I do?” I sensed that I’m not for everybody, and that’s okay. I am beyond this vessel, my accolades, or current position. I am a woman driven by purpose, with the healing ability of a Goddess. I have loved beyond societies surface love. I gave to others when I was broken. I have taught lessons while still learning. As unique as my fingerprints, I stood beyond the crowd. I allowed my light to shine, and attending speed dating I found love within me. I stayed for a little beyond the event, and decided to skip out before the speed dating portion was over. There were a few guys that seemed intrigued with me and my presence, but like Cinderella I left with very little information available to them . I advise everyone to try it one day. It was very interesting and a great way to network with other individuals. These were my lessons learned from speed dating!

P.S. That beautiful chocolate thing in the stripped shirt, in the middle of the room…that’s me!

 

DNA

In the words of Kendrick Lamar:

I got, I got, I got, I got
Loyalty, got royalty inside my DNA
Cocaine quarter piece, got war and peace inside my DNA
I got power, poison, pain and joy inside my DNA
I got hustle though, ambition, flow, inside my DNA
I was born like this, since one like this, Immaculate conception

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Before you, there was a beginning.  A story between your parents and how you were conceived. What I am coming to realize is how important that story is. It is not about how it happen, but more about the two people involved and the circumstances surrounding your conception. No one ever remembers the day they were conceived or even the day they were born. I’m actually glad they left that part out. What I’m trying to convey is to do your research. After watching being Mary Jane, I was inspired to write this. The story of those before us, can help to put pieces of the puzzle together. Parents we need to do better. How do we fail to have conversations with our children about our lives before them. It appears that everyone loves to live with the elephant in the room. Two imperfect people that become perfect after having a child. Families are comfortable being in uncomfortable situations, while lying to their children. These are the same parents that taught there children to “do as I say, not as I do”. The same parents that teach their children, as youngsters to not have a voice. The children grow up believing that everything their parents say is never wrong. These same parents never admit to their wrongdoing, leaving the children feeling inadequate. Don’t get me wrong, there is a time for everything. The issue is leading your child blindly. At some point, allow your child to see your faults and mistakes. I personally believe when they are swept underneath a rug, they resurface, and the situation mimics exactly what the parents tried to avoid. On “Being Mary Jane”, the mother, an older woman, rekindled a flame with a lover from long ago.  This was the same man who left her and her son a long time ago. Her son was raised by another man who fit the role of a true father. After 40 years, the mother told her son that the man she cheated with was his real father. Her son struggled with drug addiction, alcoholism, and gambling his whole life. The apple did not fall too far from the tree. Although he was placed in a loving environment, and had a great upbringing, some things he just could not avoid. The pain, addiction, and troublesome behaviors were passed down in his DNA. Some may not agree with me on this, but I know this for myself to be true. My mother didn’t tell me much but she did give me an understanding of the situation I was brewing in. My father was a drug addict, and stole my things as a child. He frequently abandoned me at the time, and was known to be a ladies man. My mother’s pain created a child of worry, guilt, and extreme compassion. For my son he was born as a protector. He felt the strength and pain within my womb, and at four he makes it his obligation.  I have no problem telling my son that I am wrong. In fact, I have learned a lot from him and London. Parents that don’t think they can learn from their children are fools. At a certain age, we are responsible for our knowledge. The best knowledge is self-knowledge. We all behave in ways and many times we don’t truly understand why. There is a reason behind every mans doing. Whether it is considered good or bad. If you haven’t had the talk, do so now. Take a seat with your parents and have a conversation about the circumstances before you. I don’t need a trust fund, or my parents to set me up for this life financially. This would be nice, but teach me your struggles, your pain, the love you shared and received. Tell me how imperfectly perfect your life turned out to be. Maybe when life hits, it wouldn’t hurt so bad. Instead, I would have the tools to fight back. If you shared your struggles, I could choose different paths, because you showed me how it turned out for you. Parents don’t just share your DNA, share your story.

 

Molly

I am Molly! No, I’m not referring to the street drug, but the actress that feeds off of the temporary love high. The success, her melanin, her drive, and independence turns men into boys. They lack commitment when it comes to her because her idea of love is “unrealistic”. She is what all the men claim to look for, but fear the responsibility of loving someone so strong.  My girlfriend and I have reviews every week, as a check in and life lesson session. After hearing about each other’s week, she immediately asks, so what did you think of the episode? First of all Issa, a half hour is not enough time. It’s a teaser but touches way too close to home. I can honestly say I connect with both Issa and Molly with their current circumstances. However, right now I am Molly! Molly last season finally realized and acknowledged that maybe she had issues with relationships and guys committing. Been there! She sought out counseling, which ended pretty quickly, but the counselor opened up her attention to her love life. As a black woman, you will see that we can be overachievers. I say this because the busyness keeps us distracted from the areas we lack, including love. A lot of successful black women lack in the love department because of our upbringing. We become so independent, that the role of the man is under appreciated, and they feel like there is no need for them. This is not the case! In the case of Molly she gets the temporary fix, not the forever love. She doesn’t need a man, but wants one. She is embarking on this self discovery and is particular about who she wants to be in a relationship with. This is key, Molly has had many opportunities for a relationship, however they did not meet her personal needs. She recently found out that her parents long term relationship was not perfect. This portrayal of perfect love from her parents, gave her unrealistic beliefs of love and being loved. Love is perfect, people are not. Relationships require work and a commitment to work together. It doesn’t mean that love isn’t there. It means the couple has to be reminded of the true definition of love. I am Molly! The girl that enjoys the high of the temporary love men provide, and hate myself for the lows when they are unavailable for a fix. Molly wants security, and something constant. She currently struggles with her worth and investment in work as well as her personal life. Although she deserves the honesty, love, and friendship Dro provides, she deserves someone full time. Someone that works just as hard as her. She is on this journey of discovering what love is all about and how it comes in different forms. She is learning that relationships are tailored to the two who decided to commit. She is learning that this is her life. She is able to write the script. That she is responsible for deciding what works for her or not. When you are in a position to provide for yourself, a lot of black men find being emotional is expensive. We are in a surface society with people who value material things. Molly may find this confusing but her experience with Dro is necessary. He is there to break all her previous beliefs and open her heart and mind to the possibilities that love can provide. See in this love game, it’s about finding what works and compliments you. When you realize that you make the rules everything else will follow. Love comes in so many ways and if your eyes are closed to what your not used to, you may just miss it. Finding love is finding someone that opens your heart to all of its possiblilities. Every love experience is a lesson. Hi I’m Molly and my successful ass is currently addicted to the temporary high of a noncommittal relationship.

Insecure…

Last night at a Caribbean night club, I was moved by my purpose. I decided to take a trip to the ladies room to pat down my oily skin with some toilet paper. Ladies that have the oily T-zone area understand my issue. I wanted to check my makeup, and make sure that all the dancing wasn’t catching up to me. My goal when going out is to look the same way I looked when I came in. Especially when the club shuts down and the lights come on.  When you find your purpose, you encounter situations and individuals everywhere that may need your spirit. The women’s bathroom is a great way to connect with other women, especially at a club. I never thought to have the conversation at such an ungodly hour and while under the influence (of alcohol of course). There was a young woman in the bathroom clearly intoxicated. She wasn’t hovering over the toilet but seemed a bit emotional. She was celebrating her 26th birthday and obviously she was having a blast up until she made that bathroom trip. She was standing in the mirror fixing herself up. I’m sure she had the same goal as me to keep up the look she had when she came to the club. Unfortunately, in the state she was in that would have been impossible. She was dressed in a very provocative piece, a very short and see through dress. The dress left very little to imagination, and reminded me of something Beyoncé would wear for performances. She had bright red hair like Rhianna, and a curvy body that women would pay for. She was fixing her undergarments and exposing her backside. I kept praying that someone wouldn’t walk in on the woman. At that point, she seemed to not care especially with her doing so in the presence of a complete stranger. Maybe at that moment I was a stranger, and her intoxicated state allowed her spirit to feel out my energy. She began talking about women’s bodies and how we go through so much physically and mentally. She talked about how she was the mother of two children, both a boy and a girl. She explained how she had them both via C-section and the damage it caused her body. I told her that I had a C-section as well, and knew how insecure the damage had made me. Anyone that knew me prior to having children, knew I loved wearing two piece bathing suits to the beach.  She was at the club with a love interest, and I had spotted them both on the dance floor prior to our bathroom encounter. Reality began to set in when she looked herself in the mirror. It wasn’t just her birthday, she was realizing that she was a year older. Every birthday most of us evaluate where we are, and how far we’ve come. We also recognize that in some areas, we may not be where we thought we would be. As she looked back and forth between me and the mirror,  she became vulnerable and poured out her insecurities. She began to tear up and tell me how hard she is trying as a mother. You could tell she had been hurt by the men in her past, and feared the new love wouldn’t last. Here she is a single mother of two children, insecure about her body, love, and life journey. I was there in that moment to reassure her, that she was not alone. I assured her that I too battled with insecurities with my parenting. We can only do the best we know how. I am reminded every time I stare in the mirror at my naked body, my experiences of childbirth. I struggle in love, and fear loving because of the hurt of my past. I know what it feels like to fear being happy in a relationship, because your waiting for the ball to drop. In that very moment, my spirit connected with a complete stranger to remind her that we all are insecure. We are all the same. No matter how beautiful, successful, intelligent, and strong we are, we have insecurities.  Within a span of five minutes,  both my business card and hugs were exchanged. My purpose of me spreading my words of encouragement, and promoting women empowerment has moved beyond my blog. It’s beyond sharing a word, its inspiring others. To those who wish to do the same, to live in your purpose and inspire others, I’m the reminder that following your dreams doesn’t mean you can’t be insecure. It means that through all of your insecurities,and flaws, your able to uplift others in their time of need. I am far from perfect, but through my mistakes, and life’s lessons, I have been able to return faith in others when their faith is being tested. I am a living proof and a walking representation of resilience. Spread love through your insecurities. The best counselors are those with experience.

Blame Game…

Everyone has played this game at some point in their life with a loved one. It is an unfair game that consist of insecure players. Players that are aware of the moves they made,  but not how it affects the emotions of their loved ones. I believe they are aware, just at the time their selfishness kicks in. Their need to win or be right, trumps their loved ones emotional state. We have all played this game, and even blamed others for our own decisions. It is easier to point the finger at someone else, than to hold yourself accountable. Understanding the part you play in the game, and the results of the relationship, is beneficial to your personal growth. Everyone has been talking about cheating in all of our popular television shows and media. This day and age, cheating and infidelity has becomes so easy due to technological advances. The dating apps that are specifically for hookups, and direct messaging, allow for emotional connections to be made via technology. Those emotional connections then lead to physical meet ups and eventually trust broken between a committed relationship. Once caught, there are those players that find themselves easing their conscious by blaming their partner. Blaming their partner for the decisions that they have made. When it comes to infidelity, the only person to blame is the one who acted out the behavior/action. It is important for the person being blamed, not to own this. When a person goes outside of the relationship, and makes the decision to break their commitment, they should only blame self. Even if there are issues within the committed relationship, communication should have occurred stating the issues within the relationship. The player should have also evaluated the pros and cons of their decision prior to acting on an immediate desire. Blaming someone else for your shortcomings denies you of the valuable lesson of self-discipline. Instead of confronting the players issue, they rather pass on the bucket to the loved one.  A bucket filled with all of the players personal issues for their loved one to carry. Outside of infidelity, there is the blaming for your current situation. The player blames their parents, family, job, or just about anything for their current circumstances. The cards you were dealt with all are a result of decisions you have made in the past. When confronted with them, it’s easier to pass on to others, as opposed to face the underlying issue…you! Blaming others is a lack of self-love. It is avoidance at its best. Until you stop blaming others for your lack of success, will you realize you hold the key to your future. Children result to the blame game in fear of being disciplined by an adult. Adults result to the blame game in fear of facing their underlying issues. It’s a temporary fix for a long-term problem, and until confronted, the cycle of blame will repeat itself.  The person will continue to encounter the same situations with different people, and the same results. Until they realize they are responsible, they will remain stagnant. The player of the blame game will always lose in the end.

 

Cinderella 

Definition…

1. A Young woman with a lack of familial support. She is known to be a hard worker but lacks direction in life. A kind soul that wants different from the life she was brought up in. She spends her life trying to clean up after others. Carrying the burden of others and not enough time spent on her own personal dreams and goals. She is forced into adulthood with little guidance. But find fairy godmothers, people that love like family along the way.

Cinderella was what some of my friends used to call me. A term they used to make fun of my adult responsibilities as a teen. I didn’t understand at the time, but I realized I was different from my girlfriends. Different upbringings and different responsibilities. While many of them were just responsible for being a teen, I was worried about working and providing things for myself. At eighteen, I was kicked out of my father’s house over some chores not being done. I’m not going to lie, I was what adults would consider disrespectful. The only problem was they didn’t realize me growing up so fast led me to believe I was on their level. I called the adults out on there wrongdoings. I learned at an early age that just because your older doesn’t make you right. I was adulting while my friends were away at college. The interesting thing was watching them all after school. Graduating with degrees they wouldn’t use and learning about the world while I was doing it backwards. I always had my own place, worked a full time job and handled life on my own. I got a head start but did not always make the right decisions.   I spent enough money on rent that I could have owned a house by now. Screwed up my credit because when things got hard I could only rely on myself. There was no one to clean up my mess. I decided to write this because I know of a few young girls that fit this glass slipper. It may not look so pretty now and no Prince Charming is not going to save you. My advice is to use the tools that you have obtained through the struggle to succeed. In your current circumstance you are being taught a valuable lesson so pay attention. You will have a gift of indescribable gratitude because you did it all yourself. Unlike the Cinderella in the story when your time comes you will know how to keep it. You learn to be disciplined and learn from your mistakes. There will be plenty evil stepmothers and wicked step sisters. People who will try to bring you down. Keep dreaming and aspiring for a change. One day all your hard work will pay off! #Cinderella